Immigrant Style joke

An illegal immigrant picked up a hooker. “How much you charge?” “$100.” “You do it ‘Immigrant Style’?” “No.” “I pay $200 for Immigrant Style.” “No,” she said, not knowing what Immigrant Style was. “I pay $300.” “No.” “$400.” “No.” He worked his way up to $1,000 and she thought, “I’ve done it every other way possible; how bad could Immigrant Style be?” “Okay,” she agreed. They did it in every way and in every position for hours. When they were finally finished, the exhausted hooker said, “I was expecting something perverted or disgusting but that was fun! So what exactly is Immigrant Style?” The illegal immigrant replied, “Simple: You send bill to government!”

Little Johnny and the Mountain Bike (joke)

Father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new mountain bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike, son? It must have cost $500,” he asked. Little Johnny replied, “I earned it hiking, Dad.” “Come on, John,” the father said. “Tell the truth.” “That is the truth, Dad!” Johnny replied. “Every night while you were gone, Mom’s boss came come over to work late with Mom. He’d give me a twenty and tell me to take a hike!”

The Texan in the Irish Pub (joke)

A Texan announces to the crowd in an Irish pub, “I’ll give $500 to any man here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room grows quiet. No one takes him up on his offer, and one man even leaves. Thirty minutes later that same man taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is that bet still good?” he asks. The Texan assures him it is. The bartender starts lining up pints of Guinness, but almost as fast as he can pour, the Irishman chugs them down, easily finishing all ten pints. The pub’s patrons cheer as the Texan reaches for his billfold. “If ya don’t mind ma askin’, where did you disappear to right after I made my bet?” The Irishman replies, “Oh, that? I went to the pub across the street to see if I could do it!”

Little Johnny Cockroach Joke

This Little Johnny cockroach joke is the best!

Little Johnny was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started annoying him. He tried to stomp on them, but his father reprimanded him, saying, “Stop that, John! Now you’ll get no honey for a month!” Later, Little Johnny caught some butterflies and started torturing them. His father yelled, “Stop that, John! Now you’ll get no butter for a month!” That evening, as Little Johnny’s mother prepared dinner, a cockroach scurried across the kitchen floor. She stomped it dead. Little Johnny looked at his father and asked, “You gonna tell her or should I?”

Let’s Add Them Up (age joke)

Here’s a good age joke for ya…

Luke’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After applying the “miracle” products, she asked him, “Darling, what age would you say I am?” Luke looked her over carefully and then said, “Judging from your skin, twenty. Judging from your hair, eighteen. Judging from your figure, twenty-five. ” “Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. “Hang on!” Luke interrupted. “Let me finish adding them up!”

What’s a Penis joke

Little Johnny and Mary were playing in the backyard when Mary asked, “Johnny, what’s a pen¡s?” “I don’t know,” replied Little Johnny, “but I’ll ask my dad. He knows everything.” Little Johnny found his father in the bathroom and asked his question. “Well, son, it’s hard to explain. Why don’t I just show you?” He pulled down his pants and displayed his member. “Johnny, that’s a pen¡s. In fact, that’s a perfect pen¡s.” Little Johnny thanked his dad and returned to the backyard. “Well,” asked Mary, “did your daddy know?” “Yes,” replied Little Johnny, “But it’s hard to explain. Why don’t I just show you?” He led Mary into the garage, dropped his shorts and said, “Mary, this is a pen¡s… and if it was three inches shorter, it would be a perfect pen¡s!”

Three Male Dogs and a Poodle (joke)

Three male dogs encounter a beautiful female poodle and immediately fall in love. Well aware of her own charms and her effect on males, she announces, “I want a mate with brains, therefore I will only date the dog who creates an imaginative, intelligent sentence using the words, ‘cheese’ and ‘liver.'” The black Labrador retriever quickly responds, “I love cheese and liver.” “How childish,” huffs the poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turns to the cocker spaniel who responds tentatively, “Uh, I hate cheese and liver?” The poodle shows her disgust. “That’s no better than the other sentence! What about you, Mr. Chihuahua?” The tiny dog grins, turns to the other two males and says, “Liver alone! Cheese mine!”

The Female Dormitory

The Dean of Students addressed the new freshman class, saying, “The female dormitory is off-limits to all male students and the male dormitory is off-limits to all female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 for the first violation, $100 for the second violation, and $250 for any subsequent violations.” A male voice from the back called out, “How much for a season pass?”

Blondes Waiting for the Bus

Two blondes were waiting for the bus. When it arrived, the door opened and one blonde asked the driver, “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue ?” The driver shook his head. “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. It won’t.” Then the other blonde leaned inside, smiled and asked, “Will it take me?”

Topless Blonde Gambling (joke)

Here’s a good blonde joke for ya – this one’s actually smart (even if she is naked)!

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.  She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless.’

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’

As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her Clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’