Well, if you were in a restaurant and saw this toilet paper dispenser, I know that you’d immediately say “WTF?!”. Disgusting or not, it’s gotta make you laugh….
What if it runs out of toilet paper? Are you sticking your finger inside to see if there’s more? I wonder if this type of marketing is exclusive to gay bars?
This doctor had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her life. He
finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all her
medications that had been prescribed for her. ? As the young doctor was
looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a
prescription for birth control pills.
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?”
“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possible help you sleep.”
She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee. ? “Yes, dear, I know
that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange
juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks………………..and
believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”
You Gotta Watch Them Grandmas
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly
calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said
she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom I have someone for you to meet.”
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for
six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont. Their first
night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a
pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied: “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but
down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the
same–she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday
suit–but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences…”
An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.
“Take a couple swings at that tree over there.” The foreman said.
The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.
“Holy smokes, you’ve got quite the arm! You’re absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here.” The foreman points out a much larger tree.
One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.
“That’s incredible!” Cried the foreman. “Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!”
“In the Sahara Forest.” Replied the lumberjack.
“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” Asked the foreman.
“That’s why I’m here.”
An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”
“And what about the men?” the minister asked.
“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.? Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .? The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.? That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.? A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”? The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
You Texans are gonna love this…
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing
a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her
turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her
leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to
discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip
her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.? ? Once
again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little
smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and
again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How
dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!” The Texan smiled
and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after
you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blond walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, ‘did you call for me?’
The man replied, ‘No, what do you mean?’
She said, ‘You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.’ Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
‘Did you call for me? ‘ asked the hairy man.
‘No, what do you mean?’ replied the newcomer.
‘You must be new.’ answered the hairy man, ‘It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.’ The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she asked..
‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.’
‘But, Sir,’ she replied, ‘you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t had a chance to see all our facilities.’
‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here.
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, “I bet you can’t tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
After Mommy told her how babies get made, Little Suzie fell silent. “Do you understand now?” asked Mommy. “I think so,” replied Little Suzie. “Do you have any questions?” “Well, yes. How do kittens get made?” “Exactly the same way as babies.” “Wow!” said Little Suzie. “Daddy can do anything!”
