A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
“I got [...]
A young blonde woman in Joliet, Illinois, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the I&M canal. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying.
He took [...]
A man got a phone call at work from his sobbing wife. Through her tears, she said, “It’s the pharmacist. I just called him with a question and he insulted me terribly!” “I’ll talk to him right now,” said the husband as he headed out to the drugstore. Finding the druggist, he started to demand [...]
The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked its entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman’s poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?” The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans [...]
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!’
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took [...]
Every day a man would walk up to a woman in her office, stand very close to her, inhale a deep breath of air, and say, “Your hair sure smells nice!” After a week of this, she reports him to the Human Resources Department. “I want to file a sexual harassment suit against him.” The [...]
An otherwise happily married couple’s only friction was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. He was loud enough to wake his wife, make her eyes water, and gasp for air. She begged him every morning to stop, but he said he couldn’t and it was natural. “You should see a [...]
A successful attorney parked his new Lexus in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened his door to get out, a truck whizzed by tore off the driver’s door completely. The furious lawyer grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. Within minutes, a policeman pulled up. “My brand [...]
A construction site foreman was interviewing applicants when in came a Norwegian. “I’m not hiring any Norwegians,” thought the foreman, so he made up a little test he was sure the applicant couldn’t pass. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.” “Without numbers?” asked the Norwegian. “Dat’s easy!” and he drew three trees. “What’s this?” [...]
After only a year in Canada, a Polish man got married to a nice Canadian girl. They got along quite well until the day he rushed into his lawyer’s office and begged him to arrange a quick divorce. The lawyer said, “What are the circumstances? Have you any grounds?” And the Polish immigrant replied, “Ja, [...]