I have half asleep until I read this, and then I was laughing my guts out! You have to read the original post to view all the hilarious comments (dozens and dozens) - but I just had to post this as soon as I read it. Thank you shoutwire for giving us “Ten Reaons why [...]
A guy ordered a drink in an airport cocktail lounge and suddenly realized that sitting across from him was Bill Gates. Barely concealing his enthusiasm, he introduced himself, “Hello, Mr. Gates. My name is Larry. You don’t know me, but I’d like to ask you for a small favor.” A wary Gates asked, “And what [...]
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When [...]
Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend,
Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I
send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE [...]
Three guys die and go to heaven, where they stood before St. Peter. St. Peter asked the first guy, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replied, “Why, I have NEVER cheated on my wife!” St. Peter is pleased. “That’s good,” he said. “Here’s a limo for you to drive around heaven.” [...]
It was little Johnny’s first day in school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not [...]
An Irish priest and a rabbi shared a compartment on a train. The priest opened the conversation by saying, “I know that your religion doesn’t allow you to eat pork. But, have you ever actually tasted it?” The rabbi replied, “To tell the truth, I’ve succumbed occasionally. Now in your religion, you’re supposed to be [...]
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
When the old man passes gas and says, “Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown, tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man lets [...]
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi saw the priest sprinkling water [...]
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and [...]