A farmer’s last rooster dies leaving his 200 hens unable to produce chicks. He logs onto roosters.com, finds a highly-touted and high-priced specimen, clicks “order??? and the next day, FedEx delivers a rather ordinary looking rooster named Randy. Before releasing Randy to the chicken coop, the farmer tells him, “You were one danged expensive rooster [...]
When Cardboard Men Come In Handy! A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle [...]
An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday’s sermon he told them, “If one more person confesses to adultery, I’ll quit!??? Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: “fallen.??? From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had “fallen.??? This satisfied the [...]
A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river.??? With greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d throw it all into the river.??? And finally he said, “And if I [...]
A young farm couple got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: [...]
The poor little rich girl awoke after a long night out on the town with her friends. She found herself totally naked and with a monster of a hangover, so she rang for her butler and ordered a strong cup of black coffee. When he delivered it, she said, “Jeeves, I can’t remember a thing [...]
An atheist was fishing on Loch Ness when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. With an easy flip, the beast tossed his boat high into the air and then opened its huge mouth to catch him. As he sailed into the sky, he cried, “Oh, God! Help me!” At once, the [...]
Little Johnny was at the mall with his mother when a man came walking toward them. Little Johnny hopped up and down, laughed, pointed, and screamed, “Mommy! Look at that bowlegged man!” His mother was so embarrassed. “John, your manners are atrocious! You need some culture, young man!” For the next month Little Johnny was [...]
An old Scotsman was talking to a young man in a pub. “Laddie, look out at that field. Do you see that fence? Look how well it’s built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I worked for months, but do they call me MacGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.??? Then the old man [...]
A mother heard a hum coming from her daughter’s bedroom. She opened the door to find her daughter lying naked on her bed, enjoying a vibrator. “What are you doing???? The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents. This is as close as I can get to a husband!??? [...]