A Modern Fairy Tale

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but she can’t. Fairy Godmother offers to help, but Cindy says, “Thanks, F. G., but I got squat to wear!” So Fairy Godmother drapes a tablecloth over Cinderella, waves her magic wand, and Poof! The tablecloth becomes a real hot black leather mini-dress. Cinderella says, “That’s cool, but my hair’s a mess!” So Fairy Godmother winds some twigs into Cinderella’s hair, waves the wand, and Poof! ‘Rella’s got a killer ‘do, long and wild looking. “Thanks, G-Mom, but what if I meet a guy? I got no protection!” So Fairy Godmother inserts a tiny pumpkin into ‘Rella’s appropriate place, waves her wand, and Poof! The pumpkin turns into an IUD. “Bitchin’! I’m ready!” Fairy Godmother says, “Remember, Cinderella: you must be home by midnight.” Cinderella says, “No sweat, Fair!” and heads to the party. Midnight comes, but no Cinderella. The clock strikes one, still no Cinderella. Finally, about three-thirty Cinderella comes straggling in, the ratty tablecloth over her shoulders and her hair full of twigs. Her Fairy Godmother chastises her. “Dammit, Cinderella! Just look at you! I told you to be home by midnight! What happened?” Cinderella replies, “I met this guy, Peter… Peter… something…”

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