Frank was bear hunting when he spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear standing on its hind legs. The black bear said, “You have two choices, pal: either I maul you to death or we have sex.” [...]
Three male dogs encounter a beautiful female poodle and immediately fall in love. Well aware of her own charms and her effect on males, she announces, “I want a mate with brains, therefore I will only date the dog who creates an imaginative, intelligent sentence using the words, ‘cheese’ and ‘liver.’” The black Labrador retriever [...]
Two men walking their dogs met outside a bar. After chatting a while, one suggested they go inside for a drink. The man with the Chihuahua said, “Good idea, but the sign says ‘No Dogs.’” The man with the golden retriever smiled and said, “No problem. Follow me and do what I do.” As he [...]
A bear enters a bar in Billings, Montana, sits at the bar, bangs down his paw and demands a beer. The bartender says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.” The bear roars in anger, “Serve me a beer or I’ll eat that woman sitting at the end of the bar.” The [...]
While sport fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. Although he could swim, his fear of alligators made him cling to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber on shore, he shouted, “Are there any gators around here?” “Naw,” replied the old man. “Ain’t been none fer years!” Feeling safe, the tourist [...]
A cat died. God met her at the Pearly Gates and said, “You’ve been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The cat said, “All my life I slept on hard wooden floors. I’d like a nice fluffy pillow.” God said, “So be it,” and there was a [...]
On nice days, a pet store put its parrot in a cage on the sidewalk out front of the shop. As a woman walked past, the parrot said, “Hey, lady! You’re ugly!” The lady was angry, but continued on to work. That evening, on her way home, she passed the same parrot. It said, “Hey, [...]
Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch. One evening, as they sat on Bill’s porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prize bull humping one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to [...]
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for [...]
Three guys were out in the woods bear hunting. One of the guys says “I am going to sit by this tree”.
Knowing the first guy was new to hunting, the other two guys say to him, “Whatever happens, don’t say a single word”.
So the man sitting by the tree agrees with the other two so [...]