Archive for 'Animal Jokes' Category
Racetrack Fieldtrip (joke)
Two female teachers took their third, fourth and fifth graders on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about horses and the supporting industry. During the tour, when some children needed to use the toilet, they decided that one teacher would take the girls and the other teacher would take the boys. Waiting [...]
Two Whales in the Ocean (joke)
A male and female whale are swimming off the coast of Japan when they passed under the very whaling ship that killed the male’s father five years before. Excited at the chance to exact revenge for his father’s death, the male says, “Let’s swim right underneath the ship and expel air through our blow holes [...]
The snoring dog (joke)
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles, and he will stop snoring. ‘Yeah right!’ she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog [...]
Exact Change (joke)
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’ ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be [...]
The Pet Octopus (joke)
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, “I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can’t play.” The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus picks it up, tunes the strings and starts playing. His owner [...]
Dog Food Diet (joke)
Yesterday at Wal-Mart I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Athena, the wonder dog. I was in the check-out line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, but that I was starting the Purina Diet [...]
The Purple Parrot (joke)
A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat Mate. “Hey, bitch, “says the parrot, “bring me a whiskey and soda, and [...]
How to cure dog snoring (joke)
A married woman had a dog that snored even louder than her husband. She asked the vet for help and he suggested she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles. “Yeah, right!” she thought. But that night, a few minutes after going to bed, the dog started snoring again. She tossed and turned until finally [...]
Frank’s bad luck bear hunting (joke)
Frank was bear hunting when he spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear standing on its hind legs. The black bear said, “You have two choices, pal: either I maul you to death or we have sex.” [...]
Three Male Dogs and a Poodle (joke)
Three male dogs encounter a beautiful female poodle and immediately fall in love. Well aware of her own charms and her effect on males, she announces, “I want a mate with brains, therefore I will only date the dog who creates an imaginative, intelligent sentence using the words, ‘cheese’ and ‘liver.’” The black Labrador retriever [...]
