A man rushes into a bar, orders six shots of whiskey and downs them just as fast as the bartender can pour them. “Drinking kinda fast, ain’tcha, buddy???? the bartender asks as he pours number seven. “Humph,??? snorts the man. “You’d drink fast, too, if you had what I have!??? “Oh? What do you have???? asks the bartender. The man stands up before replying, “About twenty-eight cents!???

Here’s a blonde joke you won’t expect – did this ever happen when you ordered a beer?

A man sat down at a bar just a few seats away from a blonde showing a lot of cleavage. He ordered a beer. The bartender filled a mug, slid it down the bar, but it hit the lady’s chest and splashed beer on her breasts. The bartender retrieved the mug, gave it to the man, and then licked the excess beer off her chest. When the man ordered another beer, the same thing happened again. After his third beer also hit her, he decided it was time to share the bartender’s fun. He moved over and started licking her breasts himself …and she decked him! Lying on the floor, he groaned, “Why didja hit me? You let the bartender do it?!” She replied, “Because he told me he has a licker license!”

A man sits down on a bar stool and tells the bartender, “Pour me a drink before the trouble starts.” The bartender looks puzzled, but pours him a drink. The man chugs it and says, “Pour me another drink before the trouble starts.” The bartender does and the man downs it as quickly as the first. After a few more rounds, the bartender says, “Look, pal: you’ve had five drinks and all you talk about is ‘some trouble starting.’ Just when is this trouble supposed to start?” The man replies, “Just as soon as you discover I don’t have the money to pay you for these drinks!

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin , there’s a better one. At McDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn , there’s this place,
Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.” Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your
third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!”

“Wow!” say the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” replies the Polish guy, “but it happened to my sister!”