A blonde walking by a travel agency notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!” She goes inside, hands the agent her money, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, pushes her in and leaves her, floating downstream. A few minutes later another blonde passes by, sees the sign, goes inside, and pays for the $99 cruise special. She receives the same treatment. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. As they float along, side-by-side, the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?” The other replies, “They didn’t last year!”
Category Archives: Blonde Jokes
Looking for “blonde jokes” – we have the best! Possibly even some new blonde jokes you haven’t heard, funny, hilarious, and ultimate blonde jokes leaving you laughing for more!
The Blonde Genie (joke)
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there’s a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he’s dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It’s the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, “I can understand the first wish–having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!”
Shampoo for Blondes Joke
His blonde date asked from the shower, “Do you have any other shampoo?” “Why? What’s wrong?” “This bottle says it’s for dry hair and mine’s already wet!”
Blonde Gambling
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless.’
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’
Here’s a blonde joke that will leave you laughing!
As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’
She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her Clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’
Topless Blonde Gambling (joke)
Here’s a good blonde joke for ya – this one’s actually smart (even if she is naked)!
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless.’
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’
As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’
She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her Clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’
The Blonde Handyman
A blonde wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handyman. She canvassed the neighborhood and finally found a man who needed his porch painted. “How much will you charge me?” he asked. “How about $50?” asked the blonde. The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said, “Does she realize that the porch goes all around the house?” The husband looked at her with a cynical frown. “You’re right! I guess I’m starting to believe all of those blonde jokes you get in e mails every day.” A short time late the blonde came to the door to collect. “Are you finished already?” the husband asked. “Yes” the blonde replied, “and I had paint left over so gave it two coats–no extra charge.” Impressed. the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
“And by the way,” the blonde added, “It’s not a Porch—it’s a Lexus.”
Two Blondes Walking (joke)
Two blondes were walking down the street when one saw a compact lying on the sidewalk. She picked it up, opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The other blonde said, “Let me see.” She grabbed the compact, took a look and said, “You dumbass! That’s me!”
A Blonde Goes to the Doctor
A doctor puts a terribly overweight blonde on a diet. “Eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. Repeat this for two weeks and then come see me. By then you should have lost five pounds.” The blonde returns after two weeks, but she’s lost twenty pounds! “That’s amazing!” says her doctor. “Did you follow my instructions exactly?” The blonde nods. “I did, but I thought I was gonna die that third day.” “From hunger?” “No, from skipping!”
The Blonde Mortician Joke
Wow, I’ve heard a lot of “great blonde jokes” but this one really threw me!
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and s says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly .
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearin g a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
‘So I just switched the heads.’
A Blonde and the new Sports Car
Why It’s No Fun To Be A Penis: You’re bald your whole life; you have a hole in your head; your neighbors are nuts; the guy closest to you is an a$$hole; and everytime you get excited, you throw up and then faint!A blonde got a new sports car for a birthday present. While was out for a drive, she accidentally cut off a big 18-wheeler. The truck driver motioned for her to pull over. She did. He got out of his truck, stomped over to the shoulder of the road, drew a circle with a piece of chalk, and commanded the blonde, “Now you stand in that circle and don’t move!” She did as she was told. He reached inside the convertible and cut her leather seats to shreds with his knife. But when he checked her reaction, she was smiling. That made him angrier! “Oh, so you think I’m funny, do you? Watch this!” He grabbed a baseball bat from his truck and broke every lamp on her new car. This time when he looked at her, she was giggling. Now that made him really mad. He slashed her tires. She laughed out loud. He dented the hood with his bat. She laughed harder. He dented the trunk. She laughed even harder. He finally lost it completely, grabbed a gas can from his truck, poured it over her car, and lit it. She doubled over, the tears running down her cheeks. The enraged truck driver screamed, “You’re one crazy blonde! What in the hell is so funny?” Through tears of laughter, the blonde forced out the words, “Every time… when you… weren’t looking?… I stepped out… of the circle!”