A newscaster asked three women what one item they would take with them if they were going to be stranded on a deserted island. The brunette said, “Food, so I can eat.” The redhead said, “Water, so I can drink.” The blond said, “A car door.” The newscaster asked, “What? A car door? Why?” The blonde replied, “Because then if it gets hot, I can roll down the window!”
Category Archives: Blonde Jokes
Looking for “blonde jokes” – we have the best! Possibly even some new blonde jokes you haven’t heard, funny, hilarious, and ultimate blonde jokes leaving you laughing for more!
Bambi’s Sore Throat (blonde joke)
“You don’t look so good today, Bambi,” said Barbie. “You’re right,” said Bambi. “I feel like I’m coming down with something. My throat really hurts.” Barbie suggested, “You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great.” Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better. “You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?” Bambi replied, “I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn’t believe that it was your idea!”
Blonde Teacher joke
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.’You ok?’ she says.
‘Yes.’ he says.
‘You can go and play with the other kids you know.’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here.’ he says.
‘Why?’ says the blonde.
The boy says: ‘Because, I’m the frigging goalie’
Throwing away nails
Carol and Bambi volunteered to help side a house for Habitat for Humanity. Bambi, the blonde, noticed that Carol, the brunette, occasionally tossed a nail over her shoulder instead of driving it. “Why are you throwing away nails, Carol?” Carol explained, “Because some of them have the head on the wrong end.” Bambi replied, “Maybe they’re for the other side of the house!”
The Blonde with Crabs (joke)
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant
at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?”
Not one hand went up…so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folks think!
The Porch (joke)
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy-woman’ and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
‘Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,’ he said, ‘How much will you charge me?’
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, ‘How about $50?’
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, ‘Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?’ He responded, ‘That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?’ The
wife replied, ‘You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.’
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. ‘You’re finished already?’ the startled husband asked.
‘Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.’
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
‘And by the way, ‘ the blonde added,’ it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus’.
Jump! It’s Your Only Chance
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were trapped in a burning building. Firemen arrived and spread out the blanket. “Jump! It’s your only chance!” they cried. The brunette jumped and Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away. The brunette smashed into the sidewalk. “Jump!” the firemen yelled to the redhead. “Oh, no!” the redhead cried. “You’ll pull the blanket away!” “No, no! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We love redheads!” “Well, okay,” said the redhead, as she jumped. Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away and she smashed into the sidewalk. Finally, it was the blonde’s turn. “Jump!” yelled the firemen. “No way!” yelled the blonde. “You’ll just pull the blanket away again!” “No, we won’t. We won’t pull the blanket away. We love blondes!” The blonde was adamant. “Nothing you say will convince me! Now put that blanket down and step away from it…”
Terrible News
As the manager passed the blonde’s cubicle, he noticed she was sobbing. He asked, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “I just learned that my mother died this morning.” The boss felt sorry for her. “Go one home and take the day off.” “Thanks, but I’d rather stay here and work to keep my mind off it.” He agreed she stayed on. A couple of hours later, he checked in on her and found her crying hysterically. “Now what? Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” he asked. “No!” exclaimed the blonde. “I just spoke with my sister and got more terrible news: her mother died, too!”
Jump! It’s Your Only Chance
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were trapped in a burning building. Firemen arrived and spread out the blanket. “Jump! It’s your only chance!” they cried. The brunette jumped and Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away. The brunette smashed into the sidewalk. “Jump!” the firemen yelled to the redhead. “Oh, no!” the redhead cried. “You’ll pull the blanket away!” “No, no! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We love redheads!” “Well, okay,” said the redhead, as she jumped. Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away and she smashed into the sidewalk. Finally, it was the blonde’s turn. “Jump!” yelled the firemen. “No way!” yelled the blonde. “You’ll just pull the blanket away again!” “No, we won’t. We won’t pull the blanket away. We love blondes!” The blonde was adamant. “Nothing you say will convince me! Now put that blanket down and step away from it…”
Seven Hundred Ten
A blonde walks into the local garage and asked for a “seven-hundred-ten”.
They all looked at each other perplexed.
Another customer asked, “What is a ‘seven-hundred-ten’?”
She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.” She said that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
Still perplexed, he then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked “is there a ‘710’ on this car?”
She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.
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