A young blonde woman in Joliet, Illinois, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the I&M canal. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying.

He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.

I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

“What are you doing here?” the captain asked.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get food and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” the captain said.

“This is the Empress Casino, and we never leave Joliet.”

Three Blondes were applying for a position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective interviewing them said, “To be a detective, you must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and tattos.” Then he took a photo, stuck it in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it quickly. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?” The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!” The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye; it’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”
The detective stuck the photo in the face of the second blonde, pulled it back and said, “Did you notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?” “Yes! He only has one ear!” The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just said? This is a profile of his face! You’re excused!”
The detective turned to the third blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but . . ” He flashed the photo in her face and withdrew it. “Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?” The blonde said, “I sure did. He wears contacts.” The detective looked at the photo and began looking at some papers in a folder. He looked at the blonde and said, “You’re right! His bio says he wears contacts! How could you tell by looking at his photo?”
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Helloooo!! With only one eye and one ear, he can’t wear glasses!”

A blonde walking by a travel agency notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!” She goes inside, hands the agent her money, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, pushes her in and leaves her, floating downstream. A few minutes later another blonde passes by, sees the sign, goes inside, and pays for the $99 cruise special. She receives the same treatment. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. As they float along, side-by-side, the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?” The other replies, “They didn’t last year!”

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there’s a knock at the door, so he answers it.

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he’s dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It’s the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, “I can understand the first wish–having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!”