Archive for 'Dirty Jokes' Category

Want to be a movie star?

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, September 4, 2010

A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and  said “I want to be a movie star.” Tall, handsome and with experience  on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?” The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.” The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell [...]

The Lone Ranger

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, September 3, 2010

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?” The Lone [...]

Revenge

By topjokes - Last updated: Monday, August 30, 2010

A woman convinced her boyfriend to try a new drink: Bailey’s, lime juice, and salt. She lined up the ingredients on the counter and explained, “First, put a pinch of salt on your tongue, then hold a shot of Bailey’s in your mouth while you drink a shot of lime juice.” Skeptical, but willing to [...]

Bambi’s Sore Throat (blonde joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Sunday, August 29, 2010

“You don’t look so good today, Bambi,” said Barbie. “You’re right,” said Bambi. “I feel like I’m coming down with something. My throat really hurts.” Barbie suggested, “You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great.” Bambi carefully considered this. The next day [...]

The Elevator Ride

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, August 28, 2010

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch cock, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.” The white man faints and falls to the floor. The [...]

Eagles Mate for Life

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, August 21, 2010

Did you know that Eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin’ of 10 glorious years. He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. [...]

Community Service

By topjokes - Last updated: Monday, August 16, 2010

Two young men stood before a judge, due to be sentenced for smoking dope. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men and I’d rather give you a second chance than jail time. I want you to go out and show others the evils of drug use and talk them into giving up drugs [...]

Guessing Game

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, August 13, 2010

The nursery school teacher held up a picture and asked, “What’s this?” “A horsey!” one child answered. “And this?” “A piggy!” “And now this?” asked the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was total silence. “Come now, children,” she coaxed, “I’ll give you a little [...]

Try a new drink

By topjokes - Last updated: Sunday, August 1, 2010

A woman convinced her boyfriend to try a new drink: Bailey’s, lime juice, and salt. She lined up the ingredients on the counter and explained, “First, put a pinch of salt on your tongue, then hold a shot of Bailey’s in your mouth while you drink a shot of lime juice.” Skeptical, but willing to [...]

The Godfather (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Thursday, July 29, 2010

The godfather was dying. He summonded one of his godsons and said softly, “Mikey, before I go, I gotta ask one favor.” “Yes, godfather, anything. I worship you.” The old man’s eyes narrowed. “I want you to go to my bathroom and masturbate.” The lad looked around uneasily. “I dunno, boss. That’s kinda embarassing. ” [...]