Archive for 'Dirty Jokes' Category
Want to be a movie star?
A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said “I want to be a movie star.” Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?” The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.” The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell [...]
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?” The Lone [...]
Revenge
A woman convinced her boyfriend to try a new drink: Bailey’s, lime juice, and salt. She lined up the ingredients on the counter and explained, “First, put a pinch of salt on your tongue, then hold a shot of Bailey’s in your mouth while you drink a shot of lime juice.” Skeptical, but willing to [...]
Bambi’s Sore Throat (blonde joke)
“You don’t look so good today, Bambi,” said Barbie. “You’re right,” said Bambi. “I feel like I’m coming down with something. My throat really hurts.” Barbie suggested, “You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great.” Bambi carefully considered this. The next day [...]
The Elevator Ride
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch cock, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.” The white man faints and falls to the floor. The [...]
Eagles Mate for Life
Did you know that Eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin’ of 10 glorious years. He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. [...]
Community Service
Two young men stood before a judge, due to be sentenced for smoking dope. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men and I’d rather give you a second chance than jail time. I want you to go out and show others the evils of drug use and talk them into giving up drugs [...]
Guessing Game
The nursery school teacher held up a picture and asked, “What’s this?” “A horsey!” one child answered. “And this?” “A piggy!” “And now this?” asked the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was total silence. “Come now, children,” she coaxed, “I’ll give you a little [...]
Try a new drink
A woman convinced her boyfriend to try a new drink: Bailey’s, lime juice, and salt. She lined up the ingredients on the counter and explained, “First, put a pinch of salt on your tongue, then hold a shot of Bailey’s in your mouth while you drink a shot of lime juice.” Skeptical, but willing to [...]
The Godfather (joke)
The godfather was dying. He summonded one of his godsons and said softly, “Mikey, before I go, I gotta ask one favor.” “Yes, godfather, anything. I worship you.” The old man’s eyes narrowed. “I want you to go to my bathroom and masturbate.” The lad looked around uneasily. “I dunno, boss. That’s kinda embarassing. ” [...]
