Category Archives: Ethnic Jokes

The Indian in front of the hardware store (joke)

An old Indian was sitting in front of the hardware store. Every time a pretty woman passed by, he raised his hand and said, “Chance.” One curious woman asked him, “Why is it that whenever a woman walks past, you raise your hand and say ‘Chance?’ I thought Indians raised their hand and said ‘how.'” The old Indian replied, “Me know how. Me hoping for chance!”

Adrift in a lifeboat (joke)

Two Irishmen, adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, spied a lamp floating nearby. They retrieved it, and, hoping against hope, rubbed it. Sure enough, a genie appeared. “I will grant you one wish,” said the genie. “One? What about three?” “One or none; take it or leave it!” Without thinking, Pat blurted out, “Turn the ocean into Guinness!” The genie clapped his hands as he disappeared and the entire sea turned into Guinness. As the beer lapped gently against the hull, Mike looked disgusted. “Dammit, Pat. Ya shoulda thought ahead. Now we’re going to have to pee in the damned boat!”

The Texan in the Irish Pub (joke)

A Texan announces to the crowd in an Irish pub, “I’ll give $500 to any man here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room grows quiet. No one takes him up on his offer, and one man even leaves. Thirty minutes later that same man taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is that bet still good?” he asks. The Texan assures him it is. The bartender starts lining up pints of Guinness, but almost as fast as he can pour, the Irishman chugs them down, easily finishing all ten pints. The pub’s patrons cheer as the Texan reaches for his billfold. “If ya don’t mind ma askin’, where did you disappear to right after I made my bet?” The Irishman replies, “Oh, that? I went to the pub across the street to see if I could do it!”

The Lone Ranger, Tonto, and Silver (joke)

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were drinking in a saloon when a cowboy entered and asked, “Who owns the big white stallion outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up and said, “I do. Why?” The cowboy said, “He looks like he’s about dead!” The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was near dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger said, “Tonto, run around Silver and see if you can create enough breeze to cool him off while I get him some fresh water!” Tonto said, “Okay, Kemosabe!” and started running circles around Silver. The Lone Ranger fetched Silver some water, helped him drink, and the returned to the bar. A while later, another cowboy entered the bar and asked, “Who owns the big white stallion outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up again and said, “I do. Now what’s wrong with him?” The cowboy said, “Oh, he’s fine, but you left your Injun runnin’!”

Ed Zachary Disease Joke

Just when you thought you’d heard all the ethnic Chinese jokes there were – this one comes out of left field!

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said ‘OK take off all your crose. ‘ The woman did as she was told. ‘Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.’ Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said ‘OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.’ So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said ‘Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.’ Worried the woman asked anxiously ‘Oh my God Dr. Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?’Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied ‘Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.’

Three men break out of prison (joke)

A white man, a black man, and a Mexican man broke out of a Florida prison. Running through the woods, with guard dogs closing in on them, came to a swamp filled with alligators. The white man says, “I’ve got to go for it. If I don’t, the dogs’ll get me.” He didn’t get more than twenty feet when the alligators got him. The black man said, “I’m bigger and stronger than that white dude. I can outswim those gators.” He got about a hundred feet before the alligators got him. The Mexican was afraid to try until the dogs came out of the woods right behind him. Then he jumped in and swam all the way across and got away. A little alligator turned to a bigger alligator and said, “Daddy, why did we eat the first two men, but not the Mexican?” The big alligator replied, “The last time we had Mexican, my a$s burned for days!”

The Irishman’s Wish

Ir you’re Irish – this joke should bring a smile to your face!

An Irishman walking along the beach found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie. “Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.” The Irishman thought a moment and said, “I’m feeling a might thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a pint of stout.” And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand. He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.” He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with stout. “That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?” The Irishman grinned. “I’ll be taking two more of these!”

Chicken wi broccori? (chinese joke)

A Chinese couple get married, she’s a virgin and truth be told he is not all that experienced either.

On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses, he climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, “my darring, “he says, “I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten, bu I promise you, I give you anyfin you wan, I do anyting, juss anyting you wan, Wha you wan?” he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request, eventually she replies shyly and unsure, “I wan try somethin I hear abou…numbaa 69.”

More thoughtful silence, this time from him, eventually in a puzzled tone he queries…

“You wan… Chicken wi broccori?”

Five sets of gold teeth

When Moishe arrived in New York, the customs official inspected his suitcase and asked, “Why do you have five sets of gold teeth?” Moishe explained, “Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes, one for meat products and one for dairy products. Since I keep kosher, I have separate sets of teeth for each.” The customs official asked, “Okay, that accounts for two sets. But what about the other three?” Moishe replied, “Being a very religious Jew, I use separate dishes for Passover, too, so I also have separate teeth for meat and dairy products on Passover.” The customs official was still skeptical. “You are a very religious man, but that just four sets of teeth. What about the fifth?” “Well, to tell ya the truth, once in a while I enjoy a nice ham sandwich!”

Irish wishes (joke)

Irish Joke An Irishman walking along the beach found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie. “Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.” The Irishman thought a moment and said, “I’m feeling a might thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a pint of stout.” And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand. He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.” He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with stout. “That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?” The Irishman grinned. “I’ll be taking two more of these!”