An engaged woman, a mistress, and a married woman were chatting about their relationships and decided to surprise their men with a little sex play. That night each wore a black leather S&M bodice, stiletto heels, and a mask. The next day, they met for coffee to exchange stories. The engaged woman said, “My boyfriend came home, found me in my leather and said, ‘You’re the woman of my dreams. I love you!’ and then we made love until dawn!” The mistress said, “Oh, yes! I met him in his office after work with just a raincoat on over my outfit. When I opened that raincoat, he didn’t say a word. We just made wild passionate love all over his office, all night long.” The married woman said, “I sent the kids to Mom’s for the night, got myself ready, but when my husband got home from work, he just grabbed a beer and the remote control, and then said, ‘Hey Batman! What’s for dinner?!’ “
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do????
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.??? There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”