A woman held a young baby in the doctor’s examination room. When the doctor arrived, he examined the baby, weighed it, and found it slightly below normal. “Is this baby breast-fed or bottle-fed,” he asked. “Breast fed,” she replied. “Strip down to your waist,” he ordered. She did. He pressed, felt and cupped both breasts thoroughly, then told her to get dressed. “It’s no wonder this child is underweight. You don’t have any milk.” “I know,” replied the woman. “Actually, I’m his grandmother, but I’m sure glad I brought him!”
This grandmother joke will have you laughing for days…
A grandmother was telling her granddaughter about the “good old days.” “When a gentleman and lady were interested in each other, eventually they would start ‘spooning’.” The young girl asked, “Why did they call it ‘spooning,’ grandma?” And Grandma replied, “I guess because it sounded better than to say we were out ‘forking!’ ”
The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated & Politically Incorrect Jokes
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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’
She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’