An 80-year-old man was in for his annual check-up and the doctor was impressed by his condition. The doctor asked, “To what do you attribute your good health?” The old timer said, “I’m a golfer. That’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m on the tee as soon as it’s daylight.” The doctor said, “Well, I’m sure that helps, but there must be more than that. How old was your father when he died?” “Who said my father’s dead?” “What? You’re 80 and your dad’s still alive? How old is he?” “He’s 100! He’s a golfer, too. In fact, we played this morning.” “Well, that’s great, but there must be more than that. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?” “Who said my grandpa’s dead?” “What?! You mean your grandfather’s still alive, too? How old is he?” “119.” The doctor began to think he was being kidded. “So I suppose he went golfing with you this morning, too?” “No, Grandpa couldn’t go today; his new wife wouldn’t let him.” “New wife? Why would a man 119 years old want to get married?” “Who said he wanted to?”
This grandmother joke will have you laughing for days…
A grandmother was telling her granddaughter about the “good old days.” “When a gentleman and lady were interested in each other, eventually they would start ‘spooning’.” The young girl asked, “Why did they call it ‘spooning,’ grandma?” And Grandma replied, “I guess because it sounded better than to say we were out ‘forking!’ ”
The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated & Politically Incorrect Jokes
The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes is the ultimate collection of X-rated and decidedly politically incorrect jokes–an indispensable guide to the funny, the fearless and the filthy. Be warned, the contents of this spanking new bumper book are not for the faint-hearted or easily offended. This unique and up-to-the-minute compendium features thousands of politically incorrect jokes covering every topic from Alzheimer’s to Zoos. Among the themes are Accidents, Adultery, Australians, Breasts, Cannibals, Cowboys, Drunks, Farting, Flight Attendants, Foreplay, Honeymoons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Marriage, Masturbation, Nuns, Old age, Orgasms, Parrots, Priests, Sodomy, Surgery, Therapy, and, of course, Viagra.
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost???? “Only one kiss per yard, “ replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,??? replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.??? With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and packaged the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill.???