Archive for 'Irish Jokes' Category
Water to Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.? He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” “Just water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why [...]
I’ve lost me luggage
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K.? Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.? An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman. Related PostsLosing hand at PokerSix retired Floridians were playing [...]
Goin’ to the Store…
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me”, said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, “What was that all [...]
Two Irishmen A Fishin’
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled upon an old lamp. Secretly hoping a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To Patrick’s amazement, a genie came forth.? This particular genie, however, could grant only [...]
Irish Toast
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the [...]
Two Irishmen A-Fishin’
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled upon an old lamp. Secretly hoping a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To Patrick’s amazement, a genie came forth.? This particular genie, however, could grant only [...]
Top prize at the Irish pub (joke)
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the [...]
An Irish Grandmother’s Advice (joke)
A nice story – will make you appreciate family…however for most of us, it’s too late! My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs [...]
Adrift in a lifeboat (joke)
Two Irishmen, adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, spied a lamp floating nearby. They retrieved it, and, hoping against hope, rubbed it. Sure enough, a genie appeared. “I will grant you one wish,” said the genie. “One? What about three?” “One or none; take it or leave it!” Without thinking, Pat [...]
The Irishman Gets Cancer (joke)
Murphy’s doctor sighed and gave him the bad news. You have incurable cancer. I give you maybe a month to live.” Murphy was shocked and saddened, but managed to compose himself and headed for the pub. There he found his son. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when [...]
