A farmer dropped by the local tavern, ordered a cold one and said, “This is a special day. I’m celebrating.” “What a coincidence,” said the woman on the next stool. “I’m celebrating, too.” “What are you celebrating?” she asked, clinking glasses with him. “I’ve been raising chickens, but my hens were all infertile,” he replied, [...]
The newlyweds were enjoying breakfast in bed. “Honey, tonight we’re gonna try something new.” “Oh, really? What’s left?” “68.” “68? What’s that?” “That’s where you do me and I’ll just owe you one!”
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The wife appeared before the judge and said, “I want a divorce.” The judge said, “Why do you want a divorce?” “Because my husband is a terrible lover.” “How long have you been married?” “Fourteen years.” “I don’t understand,” said the judge. “Why wait fourteen years to divorce your husband if he’s a terrible lover?” [...]
The wife appeared before the judge and said, “I want a divorce.” The judge said, “Why do you want a divorce?” “Because my husband is a terrible lover.” “How long have you been married?” “Fourteen years.” “I don’t understand,” said the judge. “Why wait fourteen years to divorce your husband if he’s a terrible lover?” [...]
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
“How much do you weigh?” she asks.
“115,” she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140 (I wish).
The nurse asks, “Your height?”
“5 foot 8,” she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5′ [...]
Three guys were out in the woods bear hunting. One of the guys says “I am going to sit by this tree”.
Knowing the first guy was new to hunting, the other two guys say to him, “Whatever happens, don’t say a single word”.
So the man sitting by the tree agrees with the other two so [...]
A man is driving down a road when a woman passes him. She yells out her window, “PIG!” He yells back, “BITCH!” He rounds the next curve and crashes into a huge hog in the middle of the road. Thought For The Day: “If only men would listen.”
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A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom with [...]
A guy called his wife one evening and said, “Honey, I’ve been invited to spend a week fishing with some of my best customers, but they’re leaving right away. Could you pack my clothes, my fishing gear, oh, and don’t forget my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in a few minutes to pick them [...]
A 63-year-old accountant left this letter on his kitchen counter. “Dear Wife: By the time you read this letter I will be at the grand Hotel with my beautiful, sexy, 21-year-old secretary.” When he arrived at the Grand Hotel he had a letter waiting for him at the front desk. “Dear Husband: I, too, am [...]