A woman walked out of Starbucks with her morning coffee and was taken aback by an unusual funeral procession. One long black hearse was followed by another long black hearse, which was followed by a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash, who was followed by at least 200 more women in a long single file. Her curiosity got the better of her, so she respectfully approached the woman with the dog. “I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sure this is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it???? “Well, that first hearse contains my husband.??? “Oh, I’m so sorry. What happened to him???? “My dog here attacked and killed him.??? “That’s terrible. But, who is in the second hearse???? “My mother-in-law. She tried to help my husband, but my dog turned on her, too.??? A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. “Could I borrow your dog???? “Sure. Get in line!???
The Joneses were traveling with Mrs. Jones’s mother in a far away country when the mother-in-law made a careless remark, insulting the native royal family. They were arrested, convicted, and sentenced to fifty lashes with a cane. To show their magnanimity, the royal family granted the guests one wish before their beating. “Mrs. Jones, what is your wish?” “Before my beating, bind a pillow to my bottom.” “It is granted.” But the pillow was small, and the executioner missed it a few times, hitting her and causing great pain. Next they asked the mother-in-law for her wish. “Before my beating, bind a pillow to my bottom and a pillow to my back.” “It is granted.” She got her fifty lashes, but barely felt a thing. Finally, they asked, “And Mr. Jones, what is your wish before your beating?” Jones replied, “Before my beating, bind my mother-in-law to my back!”