Archive for 'Old Man Jokes' Category
The Jewelry Store
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.? He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.? The old man said, “No, I’d like to [...]
May December Marriage (joke)
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the [...]
The Old Man and Viagra (joke)
An old man, goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra. ‘Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?’ ‘I can cut them for you’ said Dan the pharmacist ‘ but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.. ‘ ‘I am 96′ said the old man.’I don’t want an erection. I [...]
We Share Everything (joke)
“This is what marriage is really all about ” He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two [...]
Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows When the old man passes gas and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.” A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown, tie score.” After about five [...]
The Annual Physical (joke)
George was in for his annual physical. “George, everything looks great for a 70-year-old man, but how are you doing mentally, emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself? Do you have a good relationship with God?” George replied, “God and I just fine. Why, when I get up in the middle of the night, he [...]
The clever letter (joke)
A 63-year-old accountant left this letter on his kitchen counter. “Dear Wife: By the time you read this letter I will be at the grand Hotel with my beautiful, sexy, 21-year-old secretary.” When he arrived at the Grand Hotel he had a letter waiting for him at the front desk. “Dear Husband: I, too, am [...]
The Guessing Game (joke)
An elderly man and woman are sitting all alone in the rest home when the man says to the woman, “Bet you can’t guess my age.” The woman replies, “Bet I can.” “Bet you can’t.” “Bet I can and I’ll prove it. Unzip your fly.” The man shrugs, but unzips his fly. The woman reaches [...]
Speeding in the Nursing Home (joke)
An old lady is wheeling her wheelchair up and down the halls of her nursing home, making sounds like she’s driving a car. As she’s rounds one corner, an old man jumps out of his room and says, “Excuse me, ma’am, but you were speeding. May I see your license, please?†She digs in her [...]
Heaven Can Wait (joke)
They had been married for sixty years. They were far from rich, but in very good health, due largely to her insistence that they both eat healthy foods and exercise every day. But their good health didn’t help them when their plane crashed. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter led them to a beautiful mansion, [...]
