A sweet young clerk at a big city store approached a rather large man in the men’s department. “May I help you???? she purred. “Why, yes, ma’am. I wanna buy a complete outfit of them city clothes.??? Her eyes lit up. “Excellent. Shall we begin with a new suit???? “Why, shore ma’am. 53 tall.??? “Wow, that’s big.??? “Yes, ma’am. They grow them big down in Texas.??? “And a shirt and tie to go with it???? “Why, shore ma’am. 19½ 38.??? “Wow, that’s big.??? “Yes, ma’am. They grow them big down in Texas.??? “How about some shoes and socks???? “Why, shore ma’am. 15 double D.??? “Wow, that’s big too.??? “Yes, ma’am. They grow them big in Texas.??? “And a new hat???? “Why, shore ma’am. 9-5/8.??? “Wow, that’s really big.??? “Yes, ma’am. They grow them big down in Texas.??? She got him all decked out, rang up the sale and, as the Texan was counting out his money, couldn’t help but ask, “Sir, I don’t mean to be forward, but I wonder if I could I ask you a question???? “Why, shore ma’am. I already know what it is. And the answer is: 4 inches.??? She blushed slight, but blurted out, “Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!??? Without a blink, the Texan replied, “Really, ma’am? Thick????

A Texan announces to the crowd in an Irish pub, “I’ll give $500 to any man here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room grows quiet. No one takes him up on his offer, and one man even leaves. Thirty minutes later that same man taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is that bet still good?” he asks. The Texan assures him it is. The bartender starts lining up pints of Guinness, but almost as fast as he can pour, the Irishman chugs them down, easily finishing all ten pints. The pub’s patrons cheer as the Texan reaches for his billfold. “If ya don’t mind ma askin’, where did you disappear to right after I made my bet?” The Irishman replies, “Oh, that? I went to the pub across the street to see if I could do it!”