A man asked the pharmacist for a vial of cyanide. “What for?” asked the pharmacist. “I want to poison my wife.” “Sir, I can’t sell you cyanide for that!” The man reached into his wallet, pulled out a photograph of his wife, and laid it on the counter. The pharmacist gasped, recovered, and politely remarked, [...]
A man staggers into an emergency room with a golf club wrapped around his neck. “What happened?” “I was playing golf with my wife when she sliced her ball out of bounds and into a cow pasture. We went looking for it and, after a while I noticed one of the cows had something white [...]
The wife appeared before the judge and said, “I want a divorce.” The judge said, “Why do you want a divorce?” “Because my husband is a terrible lover.” “How long have you been married?” “Fourteen years.” “I don’t understand,” said the judge. “Why wait fourteen years to divorce your husband if he’s a terrible lover?” [...]
A husband shopped at Victoria’s Secret for a sheer negligee for his wife. He found several, with prices from $50 to $500; evidently, the sheer-er, the price-ier! Being a man, he picked the sheerest, took it home to his wife (without removing the price tag, of course) and asked her to model it. In their [...]
God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”
With that said and done, the next time God [...]
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically? telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between [...]
A married couple was lying in bed together. Suddenly she felt his hand on her shoulder. She murmured gently, “Ah… nice.” His hand moved to her breast. She grew more excited, “Sweetie, that’s wonderful.” His hand moved to her leg. She moaned, “Honey, don’t stop!” But then he stopped. “Why did you stop?” He responded [...]
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be [...]
A young farm couple got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: [...]
A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing their wives. The Canadian says, “My wife must be the dumbest woman in the world. She bought $900 worth of meat at a supermarket sale, and we don’t even have a freezer!??? The Scotsman says, “That’s nothing! My wife bought a new car, [...]