Archive for 'Wife Jokes' Category
The Miracle of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically? telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it [...]
Honey, don’t stop
A married couple was lying in bed together. Suddenly she felt his hand on her shoulder. She murmured gently, “Ah… nice.” His hand moved to her breast. She grew more excited, “Sweetie, that’s wonderful.” His hand moved to her leg. She moaned, “Honey, don’t stop!” But then he stopped. “Why did you stop?” He responded [...]
You’re Gonna Die!!
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be [...]
A Young Farm Couple
A young farm couple got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: [...]
How Dumb Is She?
A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing their wives. The Canadian says, “My wife must be the dumbest woman in the world. She bought $900 worth of meat at a supermarket sale, and we don’t even have a freezer!??? The Scotsman says, “That’s nothing! My wife bought a new car, [...]
The Geography of a Woman
The Geography of a Woman From age 13-18, a woman is like Africa: virgin and unexplored. From age 18-30, she is like Asia: wild and exotic. From age 30-45, she is like North America: fully developed and free with her resources. From age 45-60, she is like Europe: well-explored, nearly worn out, but still has [...]
The New Cow
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles. So, naturally, they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow, with a wonderful [...]
You Don’t Love Me…
A couple was having dinner at home when the wife said, “You know, Fred, when we were first married, you used to take the smaller piece of steak and give me the larger. Now you take the larger one and leave me the smaller. You don’t love me any more.” “Nonsense,” replied Fred. “You cook [...]
Who says men don’t remember anniversaries?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring [...]
Such a Loving Husband
Loving husband Jeff was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds flat, AND IT BETTER BE THERE.” The next morning, Jeff got up [...]
