The Intruder (joke)

A young married couple was sleeping in their bedroom when an escaped convict broke into their house and tied up at gunpoint. The husband whispered to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, “Honey, he just escaped from prison. He hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just go along with anything he wants. Our lives depend on it! If he wants to have sex, just go along and pretend you like it.” His wife hissed back through her gag, “I’m glad you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a great ass!”

I Hurt All Over (blonde joke)

“Doc, you’ve got to help me,” said the cute young redhead. “I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” asked the doctor. She touched her right knee with her finger. “Ow, that hurts.” She touched her left cheek. “Ow, that really hurts!” Then she touched her shoulder. “OW! Even THAT hurts!” The doctor grew suspicious. “Are you a natural blonde?” he asked. “Why, yes,” she replied. “how did you know?” “Oh, lucky guess,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”

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