Old Age Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”

“Oh yes, she says, “I remember it well.” “OK,” he says, “How about we take a stroll around there and do it again for old time’s sake?”

“Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy stunt, but it’s a good idea!”

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them just so there’s no trouble.” So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else.

You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, “Not really, fifty years ago, that wasn’t an electric fence.”

The Purple Parrot (joke)

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat Mate.

“Hey, bitch, “says the parrot, “bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!”

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot Pipes up again: “Goddammit, you lazy whore, where’s my whiskey? Hurry it up!”

Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot’s drink.

Impressed with the parrot’s technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.

“Hey, slut, ” says the man, “get me a dry martini. And don’t drag your sorry ass – I want it right Now!”

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.

The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, “Ya know, for someone who can’t fly, you got a lotta balls.”

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