A mortician, working late one night, was preparing the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated. He was startled by the size of Schwartz’s penis. “I’m sorry, Mr. Schwartz,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a penis like that. It should be saved for posterity.” And, with that, he removed the dead man’s penis, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home to show his wife. “Dear, I have something to show you,” he said, opening his briefcase. “Oh, my God!” screamed his wife. “Schwartz is dead!”