Tag Archives: funny jokes

Dirty Jokes, Funny Jokes

The Man with the 25 Inch Penis

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A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. “Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?” The doctor replies, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. “Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my last hope!” The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, “I think I may be able to help you. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem.” The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, “NO.” The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. “WOW,” he screamed out loud, “This is great!!” But at 20 inches it was still too long, so he asked the frog again. “Frog, will you marry me?” the guy shouted. The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!” The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, “This is fantastic.” He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog will you marry me?” The frog looked back across pond shaking its head, “How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!”

Country Humor, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Redneck Jokes, Southern Jokes

Jumping off the bridge (joke)

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An Alabama farmer was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man on the railing ready to jump. The farmer stopped his pickup, ran up to the man, and said, “Hey fellow, stop! Why are you doing this?” The man replied, “I have no reason to live.” The farmer said, “Think of your wife and children!” “I have no wife or children.” “Well, then, think of your parents!” “They died years ago.” “Well, then, think of General Robert E. Lee!” “Who?” The farmer gave up. “Jump, you damned Yankee!”

Animal Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes

Zebra at the Farm (joke)

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals. She went up to a fat brown thing and said, “I’m a zebra, what are you?” “I’m a cow.” “What do you do?” “I make milk for the farmer.” Then the zebra went up to a little white bird and said, “I’m a zebra, what are you?” “I’m a chicken.” “What do you do?” “I make eggs for the farmer.” Then the zebra went up to a handsome beast that looked a lot like her except with no stripes and said, “What are you?” “I’m a stallion.” “What do you do?” “How about you take off them fancy pajamas and I’ll show you!”

Funny Jokes, Jokes

Dating the best (joke)

Three elderly ladies, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, their conversation turned to children. “My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue,” said one. The second said, “My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street.” The third lady remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired, “And you, dear; do you have a son?” The second added, “And is he a professional?” She answered, “Not exactly. Actually, he’s a plumber. And he’s gay.” Beaming, the other two consoled, “Oh. That’s too bad.” But then the third woman smiled. “Oh, he’s doing okay. He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most successful lawyer on Wall Street!”