A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, “Do you have health insurance?” He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.” The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, “No money in the bank.” The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?” He said, “I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.” The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
‘Nurse’, he mumbles from behind the mask, ‘Are my testicles black?’
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, ‘I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.’ He struggles to ask again, ‘Nurse, are my testicles black?’
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, ‘There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!!’
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, ‘Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely… A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?’