Military jokes are hilarious because those guys are so darn stiff! Oh – did I just make a funny pun?

A Marine, fresh back from a year at a North African embassy, told his wife, “Honey, I didn’t waste all my time alone over there. Instead, I mastered the art of mind over matter. Watch this!” He dropped his pants and stood naked before her. “Dick, ten-HUT!” And immediately it did. “Dick, at EASE!” And down it went. “That’s amazing,” said his wife. “Would you mind showing that to my friend, Susie?” “Not at all. Go get her.” She left and returned with her hot young next door neighbor. “All right, watch this: Dick, ten-HUT!” Up it went. Then, “Dick, at EASE!” But nothing happened. “Dick, at EASE!” But still nothing. “For the last time, AT EASE!” Nothing. The embarrassed Marine ran to the bathroom while his wife made excuses for him and then headed for the bathroom, where she found him masturbating. “What are you doing?” she demanded. He looked up and replied, “I’m givin’ this son-of-a-b¡tch a dishonorable discharge!”

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These military jokes never cease to be funny – especially ones like this!

The Commanding Officer of a U. S. Marine Corps regiment was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, so he decided to kill a little time by asking all assembled a question. “How much of sex is work and how much is pleasure?” The X.O. said 75% work, 25% pleasure. A captain said 50-50. A lieutenant responded 25% work, 75% pleasure, depending on how drunk he was at the time. With no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC in charge of making coffee. “What’s your opinion, son?” Without hesitation, the young man responded, “100% pleasure, sir!” The colonel was surprised. “Why?” “Because, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me do it for them!”

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