A man got on a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a fine looking blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at
him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many curious glances from her, he said, ‘It’s golf balls.’
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she inquired, ‘Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?’
Four old geezers came into the pro shop after playing 18 holes and were exhausted. The pro asked if they had a good game and the first old guy said, “Pretty good. I had three riders today.” The second old guy said, “I had five riders.” The third old man said, “I had seven riders, same as last time.” The fourth said, “I beat my old record. I had twelve riders. I’ll buy!” After they shuffled into the bar, another member said to the pro, “I’ve played golf for years and thought I knew all the lingo, but what in the heck is a ‘rider’?” The pro replied, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get back in the golf cart and ride to it!”
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make. I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no surprise in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.” The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are finished, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m going to call room service for some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to phone room service to order some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife one more time. When they finish, he’s gasping for air and glistening with sweat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole..”
