Four old geezers came into the pro shop after playing 18 holes and were exhausted. The pro asked if they had a good game and the first old guy said, “Pretty good. I had three riders today.” The second old guy said, “I had five riders.” The third old man said, “I had seven riders, same as last time.” The fourth said, “I beat my old record. I had twelve riders. I’ll buy!” After they shuffled into the bar, another member said to the pro, “I’ve played golf for years and thought I knew all the lingo, but what in the heck is a ‘rider’?” The pro replied, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get back in the golf cart and ride to it!”
Category Archives: Golf Jokes
Honeymoon
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make. I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no surprise in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.” The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are finished, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m going to call room service for some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to phone room service to order some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife one more time. When they finish, he’s gasping for air and glistening with sweat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole..”
The Golf Genie (joke)
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf…..Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, “Come on in.”
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”
“Uh…yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you… You see, I’m a genie , and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!” “And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.
“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”
“And now,” the couple asked in unison, what’s your wish, genie?”
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”
“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. I’d do the same for you!”
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?”
“Why, we’re both 35,” she responded breathlessly.
“NO SHIT.” He said, “Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?”