This chain letter hopes to bring relief to tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn’t cost a thing. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are also tired and discouraged, then bundle up your wife, send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them has got to be better than the woman you already have. One man received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping. This chain also brings luck: one man’s pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy model. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a supermodel. But do not break the chain! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again!
The Lone Ranger, Tonto, and Silver (joke)
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were drinking in a saloon when a cowboy entered and asked, “Who owns the big white stallion outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up and said, “I do. Why?” The cowboy said, “He looks like he’s about dead!” The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was near dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger said, “Tonto, run around Silver and see if you can create enough breeze to cool him off while I get him some fresh water!” Tonto said, “Okay, Kemosabe!” and started running circles around Silver. The Lone Ranger fetched Silver some water, helped him drink, and the returned to the bar. A while later, another cowboy entered the bar and asked, “Who owns the big white stallion outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up again and said, “I do. Now what’s wrong with him?” The cowboy said, “Oh, he’s fine, but you left your Injun runnin’!”
The Canadian Supermarket Clerk (joke)
A man in the produce section of a supermarket asked the clerk if he could purchase just a half a head of lettuce. The clerk said they only sold lettuce by the head, but the man insisted that he ask his manager about it. Walking into the stock room, the clerk said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he realized the man was standing right behind him, so he added, “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man took his half a head of lettuce and left. The manager told the clerk, “I liked the way you handled that situation. Where are you from?” “Canada, sir,” replied the clerk. “Really? I hear that’s a great place. Why did you leave there to move here?” he asked. The clerk replied, “Oh, there’s nothing in Canada but whores and hockey players!” “Oh, really?” said the manager. “I’ll have you know my wife is from Canada!” The boy replied, “No kidding! What position does she play?”
The Other Man (joke)
Drowsing contentedly in bed after an afternoon of vigorous love- making, there was the sound of a car pulling up outside. Dreamily, the girl whispered, “Oh, no! Get moving. That’s my husband!” The man leapt from the bed, grabbed his clothes and rushed to the window, when he suddenly stopped. “Waddaya mean?” he bellowed. “I’m your husband!”
Shipwrecked (joke)
A nine-year-old boy was shipwrecked on a desert island. Ten years passed without him seeing another living soul. Then, one day, walking along the beach, he discovered a beautiful young woman washed up on the beach, a victim of another shipwreck. As he told her his story, she asked, “But how have you survived all this time, alone?” The now nineteen-year-old man replied, “Oh, it’s easy. I fish; I gather berries, coconuts and fruit; and I dig for clams.” “But what do you do for sex?” He replied, “Sex? What’s sex?” She started to explain, but decided it would be easier just to show him …and show him …and show him. When they were finally done, she gazed into his eyes and murmured, “Well, how do you like sex?” The young man said, “I love it. But look what you did to my clam digger!”
The Blonde Handyman
A blonde wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handyman. She canvassed the neighborhood and finally found a man who needed his porch painted. “How much will you charge me?” he asked. “How about $50?” asked the blonde. The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said, “Does she realize that the porch goes all around the house?” The husband looked at her with a cynical frown. “You’re right! I guess I’m starting to believe all of those blonde jokes you get in e mails every day.” A short time late the blonde came to the door to collect. “Are you finished already?” the husband asked. “Yes” the blonde replied, “and I had paint left over so gave it two coats–no extra charge.” Impressed. the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
“And by the way,” the blonde added, “It’s not a Porch—it’s a Lexus.”
Cat at the Pearly Gates (joke)
A cat died. God met her at the Pearly Gates and said, “You’ve been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The cat said, “All my life I slept on hard wooden floors. I’d like a nice fluffy pillow.” God said, “So be it,” and there was a huge fluffy pillow. A week later, six mice died. At the Pearly Gates, God made them the same offer. The mice said, “All of our lives we’ve had to run from cats, from dogs, and even from people! We’d love some roller skates.” God said, “So be it.” A week later, God noticed the cat asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened her and asked, “Is everything okay? Are you happy?” The cat replied, “Oh, Heaven is wonderful. My pillow is fluffy and I just love the Meals on Wheels you send over!”
The Parrot on the Sidewalk (joke)
On nice days, a pet store put its parrot in a cage on the sidewalk out front of the shop. As a woman walked past, the parrot said, “Hey, lady! You’re ugly!” The lady was angry, but continued on to work. That evening, on her way home, she passed the same parrot. It said, “Hey, lady! You’re ugly!” Now she was furious, but continue on home. The next morning, as she passed the same parrot, it again said, “Hey, lady! You’re ugly!” That’s it! Three times was too much. She stormed into the store and told the manager that she was going to sue his store unless he could quiet that bird. He promised that he would. That evening, on her way home from work, the same lady passed the same store. The same parrot called out, “Hey, lady!” She paused and stared it straight in the eye. “Yes?” she said. The bird said, “You know!”
The Evolution of Dance (funny video)
I’ve seen this before, and the only reason I decided to post this is there’s always people that haven’t seen it before…or if you’re like me – you might not have seen it in awhile – and it STILL really cracks you up. This is comedian Judson Laipply, and this bit he does is amazing. He calls it “The Evolution of Dance” and this clip is about 6 minutes long. As funny as this is – it’s even more amazing that he can do all these dances at all. If you saw the guy on the street you wouldn’t even think he COULD dance! Enjoy – this is a really good clip!
Ed Zachary Disease Joke
Just when you thought you’d heard all the ethnic Chinese jokes there were – this one comes out of left field!
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said ‘OK take off all your crose. ‘ The woman did as she was told. ‘Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.’ Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said ‘OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.’ So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said ‘Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.’ Worried the woman asked anxiously ‘Oh my God Dr. Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?’Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied ‘Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.’