A recent poll asked men whether they preferred women with large thighs or women with thin thighs. The results may be surprising: 10% of men surveyed preferred women with large thighs. 10% of men preferred women with thin thighs. 80% preferred what’s in-between.
Sweden vs. America
At a local college dance in Sweden , an American asked a local girl to dance. While they were dancing, he gave her a little squeeze, and whispered, “In America , we call this a hug.” She replied, “Yaah, in Sveden ve call dis a hug, too.” A little later, he gave her a peck on the cheek. “In America , we call this a kiss.” She replied, “Yaah, in Sveden ve call dis a kiss, too.” A few drinks later, they moved out to the campus lawn and had sex. “In America ,” he told her, “we call this a grass sandwich.” She replied, “Yaaah, in Sveden ve call dis a grass sandwich, too. But ve put more meat in it!”
New Boots (joke)
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’
Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!’
Furious, Bert yelled, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’
‘Nope’, she replied.
‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.’
Englishman , Frenchman, Spaniard, and a German
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German passed a street juggler performing before a crowd of people. There were so many people that the four yelled, “We can’t see you!” The juggler jumped on top of a box and asked, “Can you see me now?” And the four men said: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja
Feminist Hockey Player
What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers after three periods!
How did I get here, Mommy? (joke)
The sweet little girl asked, “How did I get here, Mommy?” Mother replied, “God sent you, honey.” “And did God send you too, Mommy?” “Yes, sweetheart, he did.” “And Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa and their moms and dads, too?” “Yes, honey, all of them, too.” The child shakes her little head in disbelief. “So you’re telling me nobody in this family has sex in 200 years? No wonder you’re so grouchy!”
Talking Tree (dad joke)
A man, walking in an enchanted forest, started to cut down a talking tree. The tree cried out, “You can’t cut me down. I’m a talking tree!” The man responded, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue!”
The female Hitchhiker
A man picked up a female hitchhiker wearing really short shorts. “What’s your name?” she asked him as she climbed in. “It’s Snow; Ray Snow,” he answered. “And yours?” “June; June Hansen,” she replied. After a few minutes, she asked, “Why do you keep sizing me up like that?” He replied, “I was just wondering: can you imagine what it would be like to have eight inches of Snow in June?”
You might be a redneck if… (joke)
You may be a redneck if your Daddy’s last words were, “Hold my beer and watch this!”
Jumping off the bridge (joke)
An Alabama farmer was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man on the railing ready to jump. The farmer stopped his pickup, ran up to the man, and said, “Hey fellow, stop! Why are you doing this?” The man replied, “I have no reason to live.” The farmer said, “Think of your wife and children!” “I have no wife or children.” “Well, then, think of your parents!” “They died years ago.” “Well, then, think of General Robert E. Lee!” “Who?” The farmer gave up. “Jump, you damned Yankee!”