The colonel had one First Lieutenant slot available, but three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. He called the first candidate into his office and said, “If I told you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Headquarters by 1700, what would you do?” The Lieutenant thought a moment and then responded, “Sir! I would get a shovel, head for HQ, and start digging!” “You’re not ready to be promoted,” said the Colonel. He then asked the next candidate the same question. “Sir! I would fill out a CE work order, make provisions for appropriate environmental studies, and…” “You are definitely not ready to be promoted,” said the Colonel. He asked the final candidate, who immediately responded, “Sir, I would call the First Sergeant, and say, ‘Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1600!” The Colonel barked, “You’re ready to be promoted!”
Seven Hundred Ten
A blonde walks into the local garage and asked for a “seven-hundred-ten”.
They all looked at each other perplexed.
Another customer asked, “What is a ‘seven-hundred-ten’?”
She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.” She said that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
Still perplexed, he then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked “is there a ‘710’ on this car?”
She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.
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Tech Support Torture
Have you ever been tortured by phone tech support?
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Power Switch
Can you find the power switch for your computer?
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Online Addiction?
Would you miss your own wedding if you had an online addiction?
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Computer Airbag
Shouldn’t all computers come equipped with an airbag?
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Laundry Computer Room
Look at her inventive computer desk!? Maybe she’s spent a little too much time on the laundry-computer room
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Spam in a bottle
What happens when you send a message in a bottle on a deserted island?? Spam in a bottle of course!
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Something is Wrong With My Leg (joke)
“Doc, you gotta check out my leg. Something’s wrong. Just put your ear to my thigh; you’ll hear it.” The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh and heard, “Gimme a hundred bucks. I need a hundred bucks.” “Why, I’ve never heard anything like this before! How long has this been going on?” said the doctor. “About a week. But there’s more, Doc. Put your ear to my knee.” The doctor placed his ear to the man’s knee and heard, “Gimme fifty bucks. Come on, lend me fifty bucks!” The doctor was dumbfounded. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never encountered anything like this before.” “Wait, Doc, there’s more. Put your ear to my ankle.” The doctor did and heard, “Please, gimme a twenty. All I’m askin’ is a measy twenty bucks!” The doctor shook his head. “I have no medical diagnosis for you,” he said. “But I can tell you this: your leg is broke in at least three places!”
Smart Blonde and the Lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay, ” says the lawyer, “your turn”.
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you, ” and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.