Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some
Carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing
Down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail , and
Either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you
Throwing those nails away?”
Carol explained, “When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.”
Donna got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! Those nails
Aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”
Category Archives: Blonde Jokes
Looking for “blonde jokes” – we have the best! Possibly even some new blonde jokes you haven’t heard, funny, hilarious, and ultimate blonde jokes leaving you laughing for more!
I Hurt All Over (blonde joke)
“Doc, you’ve got to help me,” said the cute young redhead. “I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” asked the doctor. She touched her right knee with her finger. “Ow, that hurts.” She touched her left cheek. “Ow, that really hurts!” Then she touched her shoulder. “OW! Even THAT hurts!” The doctor grew suspicious. “Are you a natural blonde?” he asked. “Why, yes,” she replied. “how did you know?” “Oh, lucky guess,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”
The Blonde Goes to Vegas (joke)
The blonde plopped down in First Class in spite of her Coach ticket. The stewardess informed her, “Miss, you’re going to have to move to your seat.” But the blonde merely smiled smugly. “Honey, you don’t understand: I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Even the head stewardess couldn’t make her move. “I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Finally the Captain was summoned. He whispered in the blonde’s ear, she gave him a surprised look, then stood up and moved quietly to Coach. The stewardesses were impressed. “What did you say to get her to leave?” “Oh, I just told her ‘First Class doesn’t stop in Las Vegas!'”
Watchin’ for the cops (blonde joke)
A redhead was well over the speed limit when she asked her blonde passenger, “See any cops behind us?” The blonde turned around for a long look. “Hey, yeah, I do.” “Damn!” said the redhead. “Are his flashers on?” The blonde replied, “Yep, nope. Yep, nope. Yep, nope.”
A blonde watches the news (joke)
A blonde and a redhead were in a bar after work, watching the six o’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off a bridge. The blonde bet the redhead fifty bucks he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead took it. Sure enough, the guy jumped, so the blonde gave her friend the fifty. The redhead said, “I can’t take this from you; you’re my best friend.” The blonde said, “No, take it. A bet’s a bet.” The redhead said, “Wait. I have to confess. I can’t take your money; I saw this earlier on the five o’clock news.” The blonde said, “Well, so did I, but I never dreamed he’d jump again!”
T.G.I.F. (joke)
A blonde went to her friend’s house wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt. “Why are you wearing a ‘Thank God It’s Friday shirt?” asked her friend. “It’s only Wednesday!” “Oh, crap!” said the blonde. “I thought that meant ‘Tits Go In Front!’ “
The Blonde Fishing Trip
What was this guy thinking taking a blonde on a fishing trip?
A guy and his blonde girlfriend went on a fishing trip. Renting all the equipment (rods, reels, waders, boat, even a cabin in the woods), they spent a fortune. They fished every day and never caught a thing. Finally, on the last day there, he caught a fish. Driving home, he said to his girlfriend, “Do you realize that catching one lousy fish cost us two thousand dollars?” She replied, “Wow! Good thing we didn’t catch more!”
Joliet Blonde (joke)
A young blonde woman in Joliet, Illinois, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the I&M canal. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying.
He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.
I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
“What are you doing here?” the captain asked.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get food and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” the captain said.
“This is the Empress Casino, and we never leave Joliet.”