Category Archives: Blonde Jokes

Looking for “blonde jokes” – we have the best! Possibly even some new blonde jokes you haven’t heard, funny, hilarious, and ultimate blonde jokes leaving you laughing for more!

Blonde Flight

A plane is on its way to houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.? she then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “i’m blond, i’m beautiful, i’m going to houston and i’m staying right here.”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “i’m blonde, i’m beautiful, i’m going to houston and i’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “you say she is a blonde? i’ll handle this. i’m married to a blonde. i speak blonde.”

The goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “oh, i’m sorry.” and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, “first class isn’t going to houston.”

Blonde in a Hailstorm

A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really Bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail Pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So the blonde went Home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her Tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still Nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her , and asked, “What are you Doing?” The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to Blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The Roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Uh, helloooo!!! You need to roll up the windows first !!!!”

A Blonde buys a Dildo

One day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop.

About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks “How much for your black dildos?”

The guy says “30 bucks”

“And how much for your white dildos?” asks the lady.

Again the man says “30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white”

So she takes the black one and leaves.

A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks “How much for your white dildos?”

The man responds “30 bucks”

She asks “And how much for your black dildos?”

“30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black” replies the man.

So she takes the white one leaves.

About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks “How much are your dildos?”

The guys says “All our dildos are 30 bucks”

Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask “How much for that plaid one?”

The man responds “Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250”

The blonde agrees and takes it.

Later that day the boss come back and asks “So what did you sell today?”

The man says “I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and your thermous flask for $250!”

OUCH!

Exotic Pet

A lovely and very sexy blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says, “Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions. The blond excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter. “I’ll take one.” As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, “Just follow the instructions.” The blond? nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Put some nice satin sheets on your bed.
2. Take a nice warm bubble bath.
3. Splash on some nice perfume.
4. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
5. Light a pair of candles by the bed.
6. Put on a CD with some very soft classical music playing quietly in the background.
7. Slip into bed and place the frog beside you. The frog will do what he has been trained to do.

She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise….nothing happens. The blond is very disappointed and quite upset at this point, she re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store and speak to the man that sold the frog to you” So the blonde calls the pet shop.

The man says, “I’ll be right over.” Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blond welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there.” The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly, “Look, I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!

Blonde TGIF (joke)

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T, G, I, F.” He smiled at her and replied, “S, H, I, T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T, G, I, F?” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S, H, I, T.” The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said for the third time, as sweetly as possibly, “T, G, I, F!” The man smiled back to her and once again replied quizzically, “S, H, I, T.” The blond finally gave up and explained, “T, G, I, F–Thank Goodness It’s Friday. Get it?” The man answered, “S, H, I, T–Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday!”

Blonde Guy Comes Home From Work

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

“Honey! Help! I’m having a heart attack!”

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and daughter tell him:

“Dad! Uncle Terry’s upstairs! And he’s naked!”

He slams down the phone, sprints back up the stairs, runs past his wife and opens the wardrobe. Sure enough, there was his brother crouching in the corner naked.

“WHAT THE HELL TERRY! My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”

Two Blondes Hammering

Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some
Carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing
Down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail , and
Either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you
Throwing those nails away?”
Carol explained, “When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.”
Donna got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! Those nails
Aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”

I Hurt All Over (blonde joke)

“Doc, you’ve got to help me,” said the cute young redhead. “I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” asked the doctor. She touched her right knee with her finger. “Ow, that hurts.” She touched her left cheek. “Ow, that really hurts!” Then she touched her shoulder. “OW! Even THAT hurts!” The doctor grew suspicious. “Are you a natural blonde?” he asked. “Why, yes,” she replied. “how did you know?” “Oh, lucky guess,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”

The Blonde Goes to Vegas (joke)

The blonde plopped down in First Class in spite of her Coach ticket. The stewardess informed her, “Miss, you’re going to have to move to your seat.” But the blonde merely smiled smugly. “Honey, you don’t understand: I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Even the head stewardess couldn’t make her move. “I’m cute, I’m blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I’m going to be rich.” Finally the Captain was summoned. He whispered in the blonde’s ear, she gave him a surprised look, then stood up and moved quietly to Coach. The stewardesses were impressed. “What did you say to get her to leave?” “Oh, I just told her ‘First Class doesn’t stop in Las Vegas!'”

Watchin’ for the cops (blonde joke)

A redhead was well over the speed limit when she asked her blonde passenger, “See any cops behind us?” The blonde turned around for a long look. “Hey, yeah, I do.” “Damn!” said the redhead. “Are his flashers on?” The blonde replied, “Yep, nope. Yep, nope. Yep, nope.”