God needed a vacation but couldn’t decide where to go. An aide suggested Venus. “I don’t think so,” replied God, “I was there 10,000 years ago and I ended up with the worst case of sunburn ever!” “How about Jupiter?” “Nope. Too cold,” said God. “I was there 5,000 years ago and I nearly froze!” A third advisor suggested Earth. “You can’t be serious!” said God roared. “I was there 2,000 years ago and they’re still accusing me of getting some Jewish girl pregnant!”
Category Archives: Church Jokes
St. Peter and the marriage in heaven
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder. Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in heaven.
St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left”.
The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? “What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?”
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple. “But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?”
What a pretty dress (joke)
Every Sunday, during the children’s sermon, all the children attending church were invited to come forward. One morning, as they sat down, the pastor remarked to one little girl, “What a pretty dress! Is it new?” The little girl replied directly into the pastor’s microphone, “Yes, and Mommy says it’s a bitch to iron!”