A young lady answered a personal ad in the paper and arranged a date with a nice-sounding man. At the appointed hour, the doorbell rang. But when she opened the door, she got a surprise: the nice-looking fellow standing there had no arms or legs! “I’m the guy from the ad in the paper.” “Yes, but, but,” she protested. “Oh, you’ve probably noticed my physical challenges. But look at it this way. Since I have no arms, I can’t hit you. Since I have no legs, I can’t run around on you.” She considered all this. “Well, perhaps. And you are handsome. But, can you satisfy my needs?” she said. He replied, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?!”

The grade school teacher had a new game for her pupils. She told them, “I’m holding something behind my back that’s long and hard and has a pink tip.” I quickly raised my hand. “Is it a pencil, teacher?” “No, lil’ Billy,” she said, “but I like the way you’re thinking.” Billy put his hand in his pants and said, “Teacher, I’m holding something in my pocket that’s round and hard and has a head on it.” She cried, “That’s it! You’re going straight to the principal’s office, Billy!” “Wow,” said Billy, “it’s only a quarter, but I like the way YOU’RE thinking!”

Little Lucy found her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs stiff in the air. “Daddy! What’s wrong with Tiddles?” Daddy gently said, “I’m afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy.” “But why are his legs sticking up in the air, Daddy?” asked Lucy, as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say, he replied, “Well, ah, Tiddles’ legs are pointing up because that makes it easier for Jesus to pick her up and take her back to heaven.” Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death pretty well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy almost died this morning!” “What? What happened, Lucy? Tell Daddy!” “Well,” mumbled Lucy, “this morning I found Mommy lying on the kitchen floor with her legs straight up in the air, shouting, ‘Oh, Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!’ It’s a good thing the mailman was holding her down or she’d have gone to heaven!”

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.
‘Hey Batman! Who’s good in the sack?’

‘Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland.
Why don’t you try her?’ replied Batman

‘I’d love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends.
So I don’t really want to take advantage of her.’

‘Damn shame.’ said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a City when he saw the Green Lantern. ‘Hey Hal, I’m looking for a little action. You’re a swinging bachelor,
who’s the best babe in Comicland?’

‘Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comicland, why don’t you try her?’

‘Well, we’re sort of friends,’ Superman said, ‘but I didn’t realize she had gotten around so much.’ and he flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her Legs apart.

Superman was tempted. He Thought to himself, ‘I’m faster than a speeding Bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I’m here.’ So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and Gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed expression. ‘What the hell was that??’ she exclaimed.

‘I don’t know,’ said the Invisible Man as he Rolled off, ‘but my ass is killing me.’