Category Archives: Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes, Jokes

Visit to Tiffaney’s (joke)

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A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”

He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.”

Funny Jokes, funny pics, Jokes

WTF Toilet Paper Dispenser

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Well, if you were in a restaurant and saw this toilet paper dispenser, I know that you’d immediately say “WTF?!”. Disgusting or not, it’s gotta make you laugh….

anus-toilet-paper

What if it runs out of toilet paper? Are you sticking your finger inside to see if there’s more? I wonder if this type of marketing is exclusive to gay bars?

asshole-toilet-paper

Funny Jokes, Jokes

The Lumberjack Interview

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

“Take a couple swings at that tree over there.” The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.

“Holy smokes, you’ve got quite the arm! You’re absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here.” The foreman points out a much larger tree.

One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.

“That’s incredible!” Cried the foreman. “Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!”

“In the Sahara Forest.” Replied the lumberjack.

“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” Asked the foreman.

“That’s why I’m here.”

Funny Jokes, Jokes

Nudist Colony (joke)

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A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blond walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, ‘did you call for me?’

The man replied, ‘No, what do you mean?’

She said, ‘You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.’ Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

‘Did you call for me? ‘ asked the hairy man.

‘No, what do you mean?’ replied the newcomer.

‘You must be new.’ answered the hairy man, ‘It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.’ The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she asked..

‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.’

‘But, Sir,’ she replied, ‘you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t had a chance to see all our facilities.’

‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here.

Funny Jokes, Groaners, Jokes

How Babies Are Made Joke

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After Mommy told her how babies get made, Little Suzie fell silent. “Do you understand now?” asked Mommy. “I think so,” replied Little Suzie. “Do you have any questions?” “Well, yes. How do kittens get made?” “Exactly the same way as babies.” “Wow!” said Little Suzie. “Daddy can do anything!”

Animal Jokes, Funny Jokes, Groaners, Jokes

Frog and the Mushroom

What did the frog say to the mushroom?

You’re a really fun-gi!

Country Humor, Funny Jokes, Jokes

Amish Boy and His Dad

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, ‘What is this, Father?’ The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.’

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…..

‘Go get your Mother.’

Alzheimer's Jokes, Animal Jokes, Dirty Jokes, doctor jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Old Man Jokes

Who shot the beaver?

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A 90-year old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better… I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?”

The doctor replied, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver.? He raised his umbrella and went “bang, bang, bang”, and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?

The 90-year old said, “I’d say somebody else shot the beaver.”

The doctor said, “My point exactly.”

Funny Jokes, funny pics, Jokes, Pics

WTF Pic: Shave a Baby?

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This is definitely the WTF Pic of the day – “Shave a Baby?” Why are the Japanese and Chinese so warped, and where in the heck did they get an idea like this? Who in their right mind would develop a toy where you could shave a baby? How many of these do you think they sold? WTF?

WTF shave a baby?
WTF shave a baby?
Alzheimer's Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Old Man Jokes

May December Marriage (joke)

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At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected ‘knock’ on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Wally.

Again he is ready for more ‘action.’

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it….. Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action.’

And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.’

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: …….’You mean I was here already?’