There are some REALLY stupid people in this world – but WTF do you have to be thinking to get a skeleton tattooed on your ENTIRE FACE! I mean, really dude – WTF?!
Category Archives: Funny Jokes
No Casinos in Africa
Why are there too many casinos in Africa?
Too many cheetahs!
The Origin of Miltary Insignias
The young ensign asked the crusty old chief about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. “Well, ensign, it’s history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you’re valuable but malleable. A Lieutenant Junior Grade silver bar represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you’re twice as valuable, so you get two silver bars. Captains soar over military masses, hence an eagle. And all Admirals are stars.” “Yes, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?” “Well, that goes way back, back to the Garden of Eden. You see, we’ve always covered our pr¡cks with leaves!”
Show Me The Money
When Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, Diane quickly agreed to marry him. But after a few months of married life, Jack’s beautiful new wife ignored him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him, she’d be indifferent, or worse, murmured other men’s names! When they went out, she ignored him, flirting with other men. Finally, he confronted her. “Diane, did you marry me because my grandfather left me ten million dollars?” “Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied, “it doesn’t matter who left you the money!”
Kindergarten Sports Lesson (joke)
The kindergarten teacher said, “Good morning, class.” Her students chimed back, “Good morning, teacher.” “Class, you may not know it, but I’m a big Yankee fan. How many of you are Yankee fans, too?” Everyone in the class raised their hand except little Sally. The teacher asked, “Well, Sally. What are you?” Sally replied, “A Mets fan, teacher.” The teacher asked, “Why?” Sally said, “Well, my daddy is a Mets fan, and my mommy is a Mets fan, so that makes me a Mets fan!” “Now, Sally. You don’t always have to be what your parents are. What if your father was a moron and your mother was a moron. What would that make you?” Sally didn’t hesitate. “A Yankees fan?!”
The Pastor’s Ass (joke)
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Polish man on his deathbed (joke)
An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
“Back off!” she said. “Those are for your funeral. “
WTF Sex Pic – With A Kid in the Car?
This is clearly a WTF pic, with a woman having sex with her skirt hiked up and riding the guy in the front (European can with steering wheel on the right)…but WAIT – there’s more!! A little kid in the back seat! COME ON – WTF!!
The Old Man and Viagra (joke)
An old man, goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra.
‘Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?’
‘I can cut them for you’ said Dan the pharmacist ‘
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.. ‘
‘I am 96′ said the old man.’I don’t want an erection.
I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t pee on my slippers.’
Two Whales in the Ocean (joke)
A male and female whale are swimming off the coast of Japan when they passed under the very whaling ship that killed the male’s father five years before. Excited at the chance to exact revenge for his father’s death, the male says, “Let’s swim right underneath the ship and expel air through our blow holes until we capsize their boat. That ought to make them think twice about killing innocent whales!” The female whale agrees and together they manage to sink the whaler. But their celebration is short-lived when they notice most of the sailors are swimming to shore. “Let’s gobble them up!” cries the male. “No way,” says the female: “I agreed to the blow job, but there’s NO WAY I’m swallowing seamen!”