Category Archives: Jokes

Church Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Preacher Jokes

The Pastor’s Ass (joke)

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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

Ethnic Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Polish Jokes

Polish man on his deathbed (joke)

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An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

“Back off!” she said. “Those are for your funeral. “

Funny Jokes, funny pics, Jokes

WTF Sex Pic – With A Kid in the Car?

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This is clearly a WTF pic, with a woman having sex with her skirt hiked up and riding the guy in the front (European can with steering wheel on the right)…but WAIT – there’s more!!  A little kid in the back seat!  COME ON – WTF!!

WTF sex pic with kid in the car

Funny Jokes, Jokes, Old Man Jokes

The Old Man and Viagra (joke)

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An old man, goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra.

‘Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?’

‘I can cut them for you’ said Dan the pharmacist ‘
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.. ‘

‘I am 96′ said the old man.’I don’t want an erection.

I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t pee on my slippers.’

Animal Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes

Two Whales in the Ocean (joke)

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A male and female whale are swimming off the coast of Japan when they passed under the very whaling ship that killed the male’s father five years before. Excited at the chance to exact revenge for his father’s death, the male says, “Let’s swim right underneath the ship and expel air through our blow holes until we capsize their boat. That ought to make them think twice about killing innocent whales!” The female whale agrees and together they manage to sink the whaler. But their celebration is short-lived when they notice most of the sailors are swimming to shore. “Let’s gobble them up!” cries the male. “No way,” says the female: “I agreed to the blow job, but there’s NO WAY I’m swallowing seamen!”

Dirty Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes

The Personal Ads (joke)

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A young lady answered a personal ad in the paper and arranged a date with a nice-sounding man. At the appointed hour, the doorbell rang. But when she opened the door, she got a surprise: the nice-looking fellow standing there had no arms or legs! “I’m the guy from the ad in the paper.” “Yes, but, but,” she protested. “Oh, you’ve probably noticed my physical challenges. But look at it this way. Since I have no arms, I can’t hit you. Since I have no legs, I can’t run around on you.” She considered all this. “Well, perhaps. And you are handsome. But, can you satisfy my needs?” she said. He replied, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?!”

Ethnic Jokes, Funny Jokes, Jokes

Stopped for Speeding (joke)

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A cop stopped a man for speeding. “Sir, are you aware you were doing 80 in a 40 mph zone?” The man answered, “I have a good excuse, officer: it’s my new sneakers. They were made in China and they’ve turned me into a lead foot!”

Funny Jokes, funny pics, Jokes

WTF Pic – The Ladies Man

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ladies man wtf pic

Here’s another WTF pic I call “the Ladies Man” (lol). I don’t know what’s more disturbing really in this pic. The fact that “the ladies man” is drinking up to double team granny and mom, the fact that there must be a dozen fifths of hard liquor on that table against the wall, or the fact that granny is puking in a wastebasket between her feet with a cold beer against her head. What the hell was going on here?

Funny Jokes, Jokes, Jokes for Women

Mr. Sensitivity (joke)

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A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn’t mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, “Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?” She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, “Well, how was it?” The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says…

“Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!”

Country Humor, Funny Jokes, Jokes, Redneck Jokes

Redneck Raffle (joke)

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While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place- a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra thin spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart.

Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, “Great!, I love spaghetti!”

Billy Bob asked Bubba, “How ’bout you, how’s the toilet brush? “Not so good,” replied Bubba, “I’m thinking ’bout switching back to paper.”