Archive for 'Catholic Jokes' Category
A Nun Visits Hooters (joke)
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while “the lights would turn off.” Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room [...]
The Pope’s dilema in heaven (joke)
The Pope dies and, naturally, he goes to heaven. He’s met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and, after a whirlwind tour, is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides he’s going to read all the ancient original texts of the Holy Scriptures. After an eon or so [...]
The Nun in the Liquor Store
The nunnery was only a block away from Jack’s Liquor Store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine. “Hello, Jack. give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I can no’ do that! I can’t sell alcohol to a nun!” “Oh, Jack,” she responded, “it’s for the Mother Superior.” Her voice [...]
In the recovery room (joke)
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, “Do you have [...]
Four Catholic Mothers (joke)
Four Catholic mothers were having coffee, discussing their wonderful sons. The first mother said, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.” The second woman chirped, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace.’” The third woman said smugly, “My [...]
The man who would become pope (joke)
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood [...]
St. Peter and the Jewish Man (joke)
St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, “I’ve been a pious Jew all my life, attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes.” “And what is your wife’s name?” asks St. Peter. “Penny,” the man replies. “Penny?!” shouts St. Peter. “You [...]
The Irish Golfer
An Irish golfer slices his tee shot into the woods. Looking for it, he finds it near a tiny man lying near a bush with this huge knot on his head. The golfer revives the leprechaun. When he awakes, he says, “I will grant you three wishes.” The man replies, “I want nothing from you. [...]
Sister Mary (joke)
Sister Mary burst into the principal’s office and cried, “Father, just wait until you hear this!” “Calm down, Sister Mary. Now tell me what has you so excited?” “Well, Father, I was on my way to chapel when I heard some of the older boys wagering!” “A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest. “But that’s [...]
Two Parrots (joke)
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then [...]
