Bob and Bill were talking at the bar. Bob looked really down in the dumps. “What’s wrong, Bob?” asked Bill. Bob sighed. “I just don’t get it. The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many people to please. I dated this one woman, she liked me and her mom liked me but her father hated me. And this other woman, both her parents liked me but she didn’t like me that much. And then last week I met this woman who absolutely loved me, her parents liked me… but her husband couldn’t stand me!”
50 First Dates
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10 Rules for Dating: Blind and Otherwise
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Three elderly ladies, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, their conversation turned to children. “My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue,” said one. The second said, “My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street.” The third lady remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired, “And you, dear; do you have a son?” The second added, “And is he a professional?” She answered, “Not exactly. Actually, he’s a plumber. And he’s gay.” Beaming, the other two consoled, “Oh. That’s too bad.” But then the third woman smiled. “Oh, he’s doing okay. He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most successful lawyer on Wall Street!”
Josh lusted after Linda. When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, “I want you right here, right now. Do it… or you can walk home!” Without saying a word, Linda got out of the car and walked home. A month later, after much apologizing, Linda agreed to go out with Josh again. This time he drove ten miles out in the country, parked, and begged, “Please. I must make love to you right now. Do it… or walk home!” Again, Linda walked home. Two months later, after even more apologizing and gifts of flowers and jewelry, she accepted another invitation. This time, just to make sure, Josh drove fifty miles out of town and gave her the same ultimatum. Without a word, Linda undressed and gave him the greatest sex of his young life. As they were driving home, Josh asked, “Why did you walk home the first two dates, when you so obviously enjoy sex?” Linda answered, “Well, it’s like this: I’ll walk five miles or even ten miles to save a friend from gonorrhea, but fifty…”
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