The Sunday School teacher asked her class, “Which part of the body gets to heaven first?” Little Suzi quickly raised her hand. “I think it’s your mind, teacher, because you have to have a mind to believe in God.” “Very good, Suzi.” Little Cathy’s hand went up. “I think it’s your heart, teacher, because God [...]
Little Johnny asked his wise old uncle where babies came from. “Well, Johnny, it’s simple. The man puts his pen¡s inside the woman and she gets pregnant.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny with a worried look. “What’s wrong, John?” asked his uncle. Little Johnny asked, “Does the man ever get his pen¡s back?”
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Father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new mountain bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike, son? It must have cost $500,” he asked. Little Johnny replied, “I earned it hiking, Dad.” “Come on, John,” the father said. “Tell the truth.” “That is the truth, [...]
Little Johnny was sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows. The preacher walked up and asked Johnnie what he was doing. Johnny replied, “I’m watching that bull screw that black cow.” The preacher was shocked. “John, you shouldn’t use that word. Instead, say the bull is going to ’surprise’ the black cow.” [...]
Little Johnny walked into school thirty minutes late. “Sorry I’m late, teacher,” he said, “but I didn’t get my f*¢king breakfast.” “Johnny, we don’t use language like that in school! Go stand in the corner!” She then continued the geography lesson. “Who can tell me where the Canadian border is?” she asked. No hand went [...]
Little Johnny heard the word “whorehouse” during recess and later asked his father what it meant. Dad was shocked. “Well, uh, John, that’s a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time.” Johnny replied, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there.” Dad insisted that Johnny was too young. But on Saturday [...]
“Well, Little Johnny, did you enjoy your field trip today?” “It was okay, Mom.” “What did you see?” “We went to a farm and saw sheep, horses, goats, and f**kers.” “What?!” his mother gasped. “What’s that?” “You know, Mom; the animals that give us milk.” “But who told you they were called that?” “Our teacher. [...]
Little Johnny was clearly upset. His father asked him what was wrong and Little Johnny said, “Mommy eats birds!” His father was dumbfounded. “What are you talking about? Mommy doesn’t eat birds!” Little Johnny replied, “Yes, she does. Last night, on my way to the bathroom, I heard noises coming from your bedroom and when [...]
A mother was working in the kitchen while her 5-year-old son played with his electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son announce, “All you bastards who want off, get the hell off now! And all you bastards who want on, get your ass on the train ’cause we’re [...]
Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, “Mommy, I [...]