Category Archives: Little Johnny Jokes

Whatcha Doin’? (joke)

Little Johnny woke up late one night and heard some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. But by the time he got to their room, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light was on. Little Johnny looked in the bathroom and saw his father removing a condom. “Daddy, whatcha doin’?” asked Little Johnny. His startled father tried to think of something to say and all he could come up with was, “Uh, I’m just checking the bathroom for mice.” Little Johnny looked confused. “What are you gonna do, screw ’em?!”

Little Johnny and Heaven (joke)

The Sunday School teacher asked her class, “Which part of the body gets to heaven first?” Little Suzi quickly raised her hand. “I think it’s your mind, teacher, because you have to have a mind to believe in God.” “Very good, Suzi.” Little Cathy’s hand went up. “I think it’s your heart, teacher, because God is all about love.” “Very good, Cathy.” Little Johnnie’s hand shot up. She thought, “Oh, no,” but called on him anyway. Little Johnnie said, “I think it’s your feet.” The teacher breathed a sigh of relief. “Why do you think people’s feet get to Heaven first, Johnny?” she asked. “Because last night, when I sneaked past my parents’ bedroom, my mom had her feet way up in the air and she was yelling, ‘Oh, God! I’m coming!'”

Where do babies come from (joke)

Little Johnny asked his wise old uncle where babies came from. “Well, Johnny, it’s simple. The man puts his pen¡s inside the woman and she gets pregnant.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny with a worried look. “What’s wrong, John?” asked his uncle. Little Johnny asked, “Does the man ever get his pen¡s back?”

Little Johnny and the Mountain Bike (joke)

Father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new mountain bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike, son? It must have cost $500,” he asked. Little Johnny replied, “I earned it hiking, Dad.” “Come on, John,” the father said. “Tell the truth.” “That is the truth, Dad!” Johnny replied. “Every night while you were gone, Mom’s boss came come over to work late with Mom. He’d give me a twenty and tell me to take a hike!”

Little Johnny Cockroach Joke

This Little Johnny cockroach joke is the best!

Little Johnny was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started annoying him. He tried to stomp on them, but his father reprimanded him, saying, “Stop that, John! Now you’ll get no honey for a month!” Later, Little Johnny caught some butterflies and started torturing them. His father yelled, “Stop that, John! Now you’ll get no butter for a month!” That evening, as Little Johnny’s mother prepared dinner, a cockroach scurried across the kitchen floor. She stomped it dead. Little Johnny looked at his father and asked, “You gonna tell her or should I?”

What’s a Penis joke

Little Johnny and Mary were playing in the backyard when Mary asked, “Johnny, what’s a pen¡s?” “I don’t know,” replied Little Johnny, “but I’ll ask my dad. He knows everything.” Little Johnny found his father in the bathroom and asked his question. “Well, son, it’s hard to explain. Why don’t I just show you?” He pulled down his pants and displayed his member. “Johnny, that’s a pen¡s. In fact, that’s a perfect pen¡s.” Little Johnny thanked his dad and returned to the backyard. “Well,” asked Mary, “did your daddy know?” “Yes,” replied Little Johnny, “But it’s hard to explain. Why don’t I just show you?” He led Mary into the garage, dropped his shorts and said, “Mary, this is a pen¡s… and if it was three inches shorter, it would be a perfect pen¡s!”

Little Johnny on the fence

Little Johnny was sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows. The preacher walked up and asked Johnnie what he was doing. Johnny replied, “I’m watching that bull screw that black cow.” The preacher was shocked. “John, you shouldn’t use that word. Instead, say the bull is going to ‘surprise’ the black cow.” “Okay.” The preacher continued on his walk. The next Sunday, the preacher was shaking hands with his parishioners as they left church when Little Johnnie appeared with his parents. The preacher bent down, smiled, and asked, “So, Johnnie, did that bull ‘surprise’ the black cow?” Johnnie replies, “He sure did! He f*¢ked the white one!”

Little Johnny in School (joke)

Little Johnny walked into school thirty minutes late. “Sorry I’m late, teacher,” he said, “but I didn’t get my f*¢king breakfast.” “Johnny, we don’t use language like that in school! Go stand in the corner!” She then continued the geography lesson. “Who can tell me where the Canadian border is?” she asked. No hand went up except Little Johnny’s. The teacher ignored him and asked again. Still no takers, so she reluctantly called on Little Johnny. He replied, “He’s in bed with my Mom and that’s why I didn’t get any f*¢king breakfast!”

Little Johnny and the Whorehouse

Little Johnny heard the word “whorehouse” during recess and later asked his father what it meant. Dad was shocked. “Well, uh, John, that’s a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time.” Johnny replied, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there.” Dad insisted that Johnny was too young. But on Saturday night, when Johnny’s dad and some of his friends headed to Mable’s for “a good time,” Little Johnny secretly followed them. Once Dad and his buddies had been inside a while, Little Johnny knocked on Mable’s front door. She opened the door and was surprised to see an eight-year-old standing there. “Yes?” she asked. Little Johnny said, “I’m here for a good time!” Since Mabel had a heart of gold (of course!), she invited him inside, gave him three donuts, and then sent him on his way home. Johnny took his time going home and arrived home well after his Dad. “Johnny, where have you been? It’s late!” “I went to Mabel’s whorehouse, Daddy!” Dad blanched. “You did? Umm, how was it?” Johnny bragged, “Well, I managed the first two with no problem, but I just licked the third one!”

Little Johnny on the Farm

“Well, Little Johnny, did you enjoy your field trip today?” “It was okay, Mom.” “What did you see?” “We went to a farm and saw sheep, horses, goats, and f**kers.” “What?!” his mother gasped. “What’s that?” “You know, Mom; the animals that give us milk.” “But who told you they were called that?” “Our teacher. Well, actually she called them ‘F-ers,’ but we all knew what she meant!”