A dentist said to his patient, “This is just a shot to numb your jaw before we pull that tooth.” The patient replied, “No, don’t! I’m afraid of needles.” The dentist said, “Okay, I’ll use gas to put you to sleep.” The man said, “No, you can’t. I’m allergic to nitrous oxide.” The dentist said, “Hmm. I’ll be back in a moment. Let me look for something else.” A few minutes later he returned with a couple of blue pills. The guy asked, “What’s that? It looks like Viagra.” The dentist replied, “It is Viagra. It won’t lessen your pain, but they’ll give you something to hang onto while I pull that tooth!”

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I got embarrassed when I had to perform a pelvic exam. To cover my embarrassment, I unconsciously whistled softly. Suddenly the middle-aged lady upon whom I was working laughed, which further embarrassed me. I looked up and said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?” She replied, “No, doctor, but did you realize you were whistling, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’?”

The co-ed was in her doctor’s office for a checkup. When she took off her blouse, he noticed a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asked the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love.” A few days later, another co-ed came in for a checkup. When she took off her blouse, the doctor noticed a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asked. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love.” A few days later, a third girl came in for her checkup. When she removed her blouse, he noticed a green “M” on her chest. “I assume you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” he asked. “No,” said the girl, “I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”