Category: doctor jokes                      Subscribe to our jokes via email:
Top Jokes

The baby at the doctor (joke)

A woman held a young baby in the doctor’s examination room. When the doctor arrived, he examined the baby, weighed it, and found it slightly below normal. “Is this baby breast-fed or bottle-fed,” he asked. “Breast fed,” she replied. “Strip down to your waist,” he ordered. She did. He pressed, felt and cupped both breasts [...]

What do you have? (joke)

A man walked into a doctor’s office. The receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, “I got shingles.” She said, “Fill out this form with your name, address, and insurance number. When you’re done, take a seat.” Fifteen minutes later, the nurse’s aide came out, took him to the examining room and asked him [...]

The doctor in the small town (joke)

A doctor with a unique combination of skills opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Richard Smith, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The village council didn’t like that sign, so he proposed a series of alterations: “Hysterias and Posteriors,” “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids,” “Catatonics and High Colonics,” “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives,” “Minds [...]

The old man and the waiting room

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s waiting room. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded doctor’s waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why [...]

The exam

Larry went to his urologist for his exam but was surprised to learn his doctor had a new partner, a gorgeous female urologist. She explained that she was going to handle his prostate exam. “Larry, please lie on your right side, bend your knees, take a deep breath and say ‘one hundred.’” Larry did so. [...]

Something to Hang on To

A dentist said to his patient, “This is just a shot to numb your jaw before we pull that tooth.” The patient replied, “No, don’t! I’m afraid of needles.” The dentist said, “Okay, I’ll use gas to put you to sleep.” The man said, “No, you can’t. I’m allergic to nitrous oxide.” The dentist said, [...]

The Whistling Doctor

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I got embarrassed when I had to perform a pelvic exam. To cover my embarrassment, I unconsciously whistled softly. Suddenly the middle-aged lady upon whom I was working laughed, which further embarrassed me. I looked up and said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?” She [...]

You’re Gonna Die!!

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be [...]

The Co-Ed Gets a Checkup

The co-ed was in her doctor’s office for a checkup. When she took off her blouse, he noticed a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asked the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard [...]

Waiting for Surgery

A woman awaiting surgery was lying naked on a gurney in the hallway when a man in a white coat came by, lifted the sheet, looked for a moment, then disappeared. A few minutes later, the same man stopped by again, lifted her sheet, looked for a moment, then disappeared. When he appeared a third [...]