Archive for 'Old Lady Jokes' Category

It’s Fart Football!

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, March 29, 2014

An elderly couple has only been in bed for a few minutes when the man farts. He says, “7 points!” She asks, “7 points for what?” The old man replies, “It’s fart football.” A minute later, she fires one off. “Touchdown! Tie score,” she announces. A few minutes pass and the old man farts again. […]

Avoiding Stress (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Wednesday, December 25, 2013

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, was shocked when the woman’s doctor said she had a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She had to avoid stress, eat right, and never have sex again, or the strain might kill her. They reluctantly tried to live by those rules […]

The Sex Shop

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, December 20, 2013

An elderly woman wobbled her way into a sex shop, approached the counter and, holding on to it for support, she asked the clerk, “Dddooo youuuu ssssssell dddddiilllldosss?” Trying hard not to break out laughing, the clerk replied, “Yes, ma’am, we do. Actually we have quite a variety of different models.” She asked, “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu […]

Little Old Lady (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, November 22, 2013

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there’s a rip in one of the bags and every once in a while, a $20 bill falls out onto the pavement! Noticing this, a policeman stops her…. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills […]

Two Little Old Ladies

By topjokes - Last updated: Sunday, September 1, 2013

Two sweet little old ladies were standing outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One lady pulled out a condom with the end cut off, pulled it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The other lady asked, “What’s that???? “A condom.??? “Condom? I never heard of it. Where’d you get […]

We Share Everything (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Wednesday, April 17, 2013

“This is what marriage is really all about ” He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two […]

The Smart Old Lady

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, March 29, 2013

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of […]

Fart Football

By topjokes - Last updated: Thursday, February 28, 2013

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows When the old man passes gas and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.” A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown, tie score.” After about five […]

The new Facelift (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I […]

The clever letter (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Monday, February 4, 2013

A 63-year-old accountant left this letter on his kitchen counter. “Dear Wife: By the time you read this letter I will be at the grand Hotel with my beautiful, sexy, 21-year-old secretary.” When he arrived at the Grand Hotel he had a letter waiting for him at the front desk. “Dear Husband: I, too, am […]