A girl in a wheelchair was enjoying a day at the beach when a gorgeous beach god approached her. She said, “Excuse me, but may I ask a favor?” “Sure,” he replied. “What can I do for you?” “You see, I’ve never been hugged.” “Well, I can fix that!” he said, and gave her a nice long hug. Then she said, “You know, I’ve also never been kissed.” So he leaned down and gave her a long passionate kiss. She enjoyed it a lot and said, “I’ve also never been fucked.” So the guy picked her from her wheelchair and dropped her in the ocean.
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Irish Joke
A contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast.
Murphy won the contest for the best toast of the night, which was: “Here’s to the best years o’ me life, spent between the legs o’ me wife.”
When he got home, his wife asked him how the Toastmasters meeting went. “I won the contest for the best toast of the night,” he replied.
She then asked what his toast was. He said, “Here’s to the best years o’ me life, spent in church with me wife.” “How sweet of you to include me in your toast,” his wife replied.
While out shopping the following morning, Mrs. Murphy ran into the local policeman on the beat, who also attended the Toastmasters meetings.
“Mornin’ Mrs. Murphy,” he said. “That was a wonderful toast your husband gave last night. He won first prize.”
“Well, I’m afraid he wasn’t quite honest with the facts,” Mrs. Murphy replied. “He’s only been there twice. The first time he fell asleep, and the second time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”