Archive for 'Marriage Jokes' Category

Married Too Long (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Thursday, May 23, 2013

A husband and wife came for counseling after 35 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling [...]

Eye on his pocket (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A man came into a bar, ordered a shot and a beer, chugged the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked in his shirt pocket. Then he ordered another beer and repeated the exercise all over again. This continued several times. Finally curiosity got the better of the bartender. “Excuse me, buddy; I [...]

I Wish You Were A Book (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Tuesday, March 12, 2013

“Jim, for heaven’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me once in a while?” “Huh?” replied Jim. Judy moaned, “Look around you. Your head is always buried in some book. You don’t even know I’m alive!” Jim knew this wasn’t going to end well and said, “I’m sorry.” “You know,” Judy continued, “sometimes I [...]

No Headaches (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, March 9, 2013

As Shelly’s high school reunion drew to a close, the master of ceremonies gave out prizes to the graduates who had traveled the farthest, been married the longest or shortest, were the most successful, etc. Shelly was surprised to hear her own name. “And to Shelly, for the most children: a bottle of champagne and [...]

Too Quick in the Saddle (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Friday, February 22, 2013

A middle-aged businessman married a young woman half his age. But the fantasy of a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he couldn’t last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well, even if he [...]

Getting home late (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Leaving the poker party late as usual, two friends compared notes. “I can never fool her,” the first complained. “I turn off the car’s engine, coast into the garage, slip off my shoes, sneak upstairs, undress in the bathroom… but my wife always wakes up and yells at me for staying out late.” “You’re doing [...]

The clever letter (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Monday, February 4, 2013

A 63-year-old accountant left this letter on his kitchen counter. “Dear Wife: By the time you read this letter I will be at the grand Hotel with my beautiful, sexy, 21-year-old secretary.” When he arrived at the Grand Hotel he had a letter waiting for him at the front desk. “Dear Husband: I, too, am [...]

Dusty Underwear (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Thursday, January 17, 2013

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!’ His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the [...]

The Greatest Day (joke)

By topjokes - Last updated: Saturday, January 12, 2013

As the groom entered the church, the best man noticed he had the biggest, brightest smile on his face. “Boy, you sure look happy to be getting married.” The groom replied, “Buddy, that’s because I just got the best blow job of my life and I’m here to marry the woman who gave it to [...]

Thirty Years of Deposits

By topjokes - Last updated: Monday, January 7, 2013

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily Agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to [...]