Category Archives: Hospital Jokes

Time for Your Temperature

A big-shot businessman with an extremely high opinion of himself had to spend a few days in the hospital. The nurses despised him because he bossed them as if they were one of his employees. Finally the head nurse came into his room and announced, “Time for your temperature. Roll over!??? “What? No way!??? “I’m sorry, sir,??? she said, “but this time, we can’t use an oral thermometer.??? This started another round of complaints as he rolled over and bared his butt. After inserting the thermometer, she announced, “I have to go get something. Just stay like that until I return!??? and left his room, leaving his door wide open. Time passes. He curses every time he hears people laughing outside his door. After nearly an hour, a doctor enters his room. “What are you doing???? asked the doctor rudely. Angrily, the businessman answers, “What do you mean, ‘what am I doing?’ You’re the doctor. Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken???? The doctor chuckles. “Not with a carnation!???

Hospital Waiting Room

Four fathers-to-be killed time in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. A nurse announced to the first man, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins.??? “What a coincidence,??? said the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins.??? Soon the nurse returned and said to the second man, “Congratulations, sir. You’re the father of triplets.??? “Wow, what a coincidence,??? he answered. “I work for 3M.??? Soon the nurse returned and said to the third man, “Congratulations, sir. You’re the father of quadruplets!??? He was so stunned he couldn’t speak. “Another coincidence???? asked the nurse. Regaining his composure, he said, “Yes. I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.??? Suddenly everyone looked at the fourth man, who was whispering the same phrase over and over: “I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven….???

Minor Operation Joke

A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation. Her gurney was moved into the corridor by a nurse who then went into the operating room to check if everything was ready. A man in a white coat approached, lifted the sheet, and examined her naked body. He then walked over and talked to another man in a white coat who came over and performed his own examination. When a third man started examining her, she asked, “When will you start my operation?” The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders and said, “I have no idea. We’re just here to paint the corridor!”

Vasectomy gone wrong (joke)

During a vasectomy, the surgeon slipped and cut off one of the man’s testicles. Hoping to avoid a malpractice suit, he replaced the missing testicle with an onion. When the patient came in for a follow up, he said, “Everything’ s fine, doc, but my sex life has changed.” “How?” asked the anxious doctor. “Well, doc, whenever I pee, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!”

Waiting for Surgery

A woman awaiting surgery was lying naked on a gurney in the hallway when a man in a white coat came by, lifted the sheet, looked for a moment, then disappeared. A few minutes later, the same man stopped by again, lifted her sheet, looked for a moment, then disappeared. When he appeared a third time, she worked up her courage and asked, “Doctor, will I be going into surgery sometime soon?” And the man replied, “Don’t ask me, lady. I’m just a painter!”