Top Jokes

The Pentagon had too many Generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any General who would retire early his full annual benefits, plus (in some bureaucratic bungle) $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along his body, between two points he chose. General Jones accepted, asking them to measure him from the top of his head to the tip of his toes: 6 feet. He received a bonus of $720,000. General Paul asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to the tip of his toes: nearly 8 feet. He got a $950,000 bonus. But when they asked General Smith where to measure, he dropped his pants and said, “From the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles.” The attending physician placed the tape measure on the tip of General Smith’s penis and began to work back. “My God, man! Where are your testicles?” The General grinned. “Vietnam!”